 Rayvynus 2007-12-10 . chapter 1As if december was a reminder of times passed...hm...some good imagery and flow of words...the bit about the ants doesn't really fit the rest of it, unless it has some impact on the speakers viewpoint, it kinda loses it's focus at the end, speaking of the end, maybe not end it with a question, maybe a statement, such as "December, the dreary haunting of remembrance." or "December, you remind me of the bleak repetition of times passed."...just a few ideas...good job on the whole... |