|Reviews for Incubus, Handwritten|
| Ernest Bloom 6/3/08 . chapter 1
What I like here (and elsewhere):
1. Every chorus is a variant, maintaining the interest & not squandering words and space.
2. If you were fused into my DNA, there would be your proof
3. the hallways of my veins
4. Hanging in the space between your ringtones/Huddling in the eaves under your fingernails
(You remind me much of how I write, of my own interests and obsessions, so how can that be a bad thing?)
What I don't like here:
Your images are cutting, sharp, but the bigger picture remains obscure. What is the theme? What are you trying to say? It's unclear to me.