Reviews for Two Moons Apart - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Two Moons Apart

The Valkyrie's Quill 2008-04-08 ch 1,	abuseWhat a delightfully written piece. I'm not really a fan of the fantasy genre (sci-fi/fan excluded!), but you managed to engage me. Your writing language is wonderfully poetic and your style very natural. I've always had issues with dialogue myself. I really noticed how natural yours came out. I felt that you simply let your characters talk, whereas I always feel that I'm agonising over whether it sounds natural or not. Good job! Not the slightest bit cheesy (okay, well maybe a teensy bit, but hardly!). :)
Rejlan 2007-12-31 ch 1,	abuseThe dialog was very well done, perhaps a bit poetic with Lucien. The dialog also describes their personalities very well with Lucien being a day dreamer. The characters have lots of personality. That Lucien writes down his thoughts about Talia is very good. Your writing is a bit flowery. Besides from that you have a great vocabluary but don't use to much. I didn't see any spelling mistakes. I think this story has great potenisal.
KnittingKneedle 2007-12-28 ch 5,	abuseI'll admit, when I was first introduced to Lucien under the tree and writing poetry I wasn't sure if I was going to like him...but as I read I realised that bless him, he's such a teenager. Which is great, it's nice to see elements of character development like that...I think he's a little shallow, a little pretentious but genuinely earnest which I like. Talia, I didn't, I hope the poor boy isn't going to chase her...unless there is a little more character development on her path; I'm not sure I'm getting her motives at this point. I'm a little excited at the prospect of a war...Lucien would be awful, I think, but Garret would kick bottom. In terms of dialogue, I get that it's fantasy so the speech is bound to be more archaic, but I think sometimes within dialogue it's just much easier to read it's and isn'ts so the flow isn't disrupted; personally, when I read I like to hear the voices in my head (Lucien is so British to me)and...I don't quite know how to describe it, but some how the rhythm gets affected. Grammar wise, the way you handle speech should be applauded at fiction press standard, really and I don't think there was anything that anyone but the most pedantic could comment. I look forward to updates, I really do.

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