Reviews for Artifical Dawn - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Artifical Dawn

Faith Adeline 2008-05-08 ch 7,	abusegood chapter, I liked it. I was glad to see one. Keep it up and update soon :) Faith
Faith Adeline 2008-02-04 ch 6,	abusegood chapter. I love that he's sorta like...being some p.i. haha. keep it up, and update soon! Faith
Schlotta Whaley 2008-02-02 ch 3,	abusethis is the best thing I've read in awhile. I love how you set up the main character, letting us see through his pov, making us hate him and be fascinated by him at the same time. I'm adding it to my favs:)
Faith Adeline 2008-01-23 ch 5,	abuseHmm, I think it's kinda weird that you introduced Amanda. I wasn't aware he had a gf. Good chapter, but it would be better if you at least talked about her beforehand. That way it's not like, damn he's got a gf, when did that happen? lol. Hope you get off grounding soon! Faith
Tortured Breath 2008-01-23 ch 5,	abuseWell! Don't you hate it when you get grounded for crap thaht you didn't even do! It sucks beyond all belief! I remember this one time my brother cussed and blamed me for it and then I got in trouble...blah. But anyhoo! Great chapter, it made sense but it was a little short. Try to lengthen your chapters a little okay? Keep up the great work! ~Dark Angel
Faith Adeline 2008-01-17 ch 4,	abuseGood chapter. It didn't really jump around like other chapters have, and it all was clear and made sense. Can't wait for more. So be sure to update asap! Faith
Tortured Breath 2007-12-27 ch 3,	abuseAlright, so this is a very interesting chapter. I really like how you described the connections between him and the girl with the camera because their are some, one some level they are connected and it gives him someone to reach out to even if it is wierd and sadistic to some. Great work. On the subject of your grammar errors etc. NO YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE! Everyone makes mistakes, thus we are human. But you do have duty as a writer to fix those mistakes before you place the work before the rest of the world. Which means, that if you do not have the time and patience to go through the check for them you should be willing to trust your work to someone else for the sake of your readers. Just to let you know... because it only will improve your work. Keep up the great work! ~Dark Angel
Faith Adeline 2007-12-23 ch 3,	abuseThis is a very interesting story. I like getting inside the mind of a killer, it's quite fascinating. I still reccommend getting a beta, simply because you switched tenses a couple times. And don't worry about the grammatical errors, I make them in my stories too. It's so much easier to spot it in other people's work than in my own. Which is how it always is really. Anyways, keep up the wonderful work :) Faith
Faith Adeline 2007-12-20 ch 2,	abuseThis was a good chapter. There were some grammatical errors and some sentences that could be a little more flowy. But the plot and the content is very good. Just one suggestion, I would consider not having the actual chapters be him writing in his diary, because then you're doing more telling than showing. You could also switch things around because sometimes things are a little confusing. If you want, because I beta in my free time, I'll take this chapter and beta it, showing you what I mean. Completely up to you, and rememeber these are all suggestions. Let me know, and keep up the amazing work. Faith
Tortured Breath 2007-12-20 ch 2,	abuseWow! I have to say that this is some of the most amazing writing that I have read on this site thus far. It is very real and so to the point. Some of it, like when he was choosing his victims reminds me of the SAW movies for some reason. Wierd I know but none the less. . . great work! Deffinately a favorite! ~Dark Angel
Tortured Breath 2007-12-14 ch 1,	abuseWOW! I have to say that this is some of the most powerful writing that I have yet read on this site. That makes me so excited to read more. There was I think one or two editing errors but that is all easily fixed. Hope to hear from your again soon! ~Dark Angel
Faith Adeline 2007-12-14 ch 1,	abuseHmm creepy. I like it. Haha. There are a few typos, such as you put, " It is so easy to kill someone. That is why it's so easy." I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be dangerous. Just remember to try to proof-read your work before posting it. Don't worry, I have typos a lot. I catch other peoples' but not my own. lol. Anyways, back to the story. The prologue is good, it catches people and makes them want to read more. At least it does that to me :) Keep up the wonderful work, and update soon. Faith

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