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| someoneELSEaltogether 2007-12-15 ch 1, | abusewell done, if a little cliche. has that "been there" etc. feeling to it. would be refreshing if you perhaps did something with a similar feel and tone, but mix it up a little. make the girl perfect in every way. make the girl a boy, an adult. not entirely sure, however, that this belongs in horror. nothing particularly shaking about it. |
| J. H. Loveless 2007-12-14 ch 1, | abuseVery well written piece. Flowed nicely, and the character was believable. No specific spelling or grammar errors. I liked it. I think an extension, of even just a few chapters, would be nice. The most beneficial, and obvious plot would be for Judine to give into the other's commands. But of course if you can think of a more original twist, it would also liven it up. |