Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search Login Register Extras
Reviews For: Empty Stairwells - Reviews: Page 1 of 5
SunsetRainbow 2009-11-03 . chapter 1
That was awesome! =D
hydrocancellation 2009-08-23 . chapter 1
I like the plot but it's a little jerky. For example, towards the end, it was so erupt. From the part where after Liam explained about his real intentions behind the facade, you had Jenna make the move too quick. In reality, she needs to be a little doubting the whole "surrealness" of the situation. And when she is dazed, Liam will move in on her and closing the gap between them and then, maybe you can allow Jenna to come to her senses and start the kissing (although if it had been me, I'd let Jenna pull back a little in hesitation and I wouldn't have ended the story the way you did.)
And for the part where Bryan came barging in, you shouldn't put it in the same sentence as Liam smiling against Jenna's lips. You could put it this way:
As I kissed him back with the same passion, I felt him smile lightly against me. "What the-" We pulled apart when Bryan chose that moment to barge into my room, startling the both of us. (or in your own words--you are better at it, I have to give you that.)
And people usually don't smile at their supposed lover after being witnessed by their younger siblings especially younger brothers. Maybe you can say that they looked flushed or something. But when her brother left, they can go back to kissing or the likes of it.
Then again, it's just my suggetions, you don't have to take it if you don't want to. Ohter than that, you're doing fine. Keep it up. Kudos!
azerjaban 2009-08-06 . chapter 1
This story was...odd in a poignant way. If that makes any sense.

At first I didn't understand why he kept telling her not to ask 'why'. I was like why what?

Then as the story progressed to the meeting- I felt that that came out of nowhere. The (sort of) embrace by the vending machine was hard to imagine with the characters you built.

The ending baffled and surprised me as I did not see it coming- and the explanation he gave for why he didn't talk to girls seemed far-fetched.

You do have skill in writing, however I felt this script was choppy and took a completely different turn from the way it began.

Nevertheless keep writing, and thank you for the brief entertainment.
MaPluie 2009-06-11 . chapter 1
I have to admit that this is really cheesy. But, you know what... I love it. Very much, actually. :D Good job!
A Nne 2009-05-23 . chapter 1
Hi there! This is my second time reading this. Gaspard Ulliel is so hot!
Elmo'z BFF 2009-05-02 . chapter 1
LoL. gotta luv gaspard ulliel :D
Heehee 2009-04-09 . chapter 1
? Nice but I was like WTF when he kissd her. But cute ^.^
Twist Their Emotions 2009-03-22 . chapter 1
Very cute. I like the whole concept and the characters. They are very well-rounded and original. Just an overall fun story!
JoeyLi 2009-03-20 . chapter 1
if liam really is as good looking as gaspard ulliel then i definitely like this one shot =)
Cupid's Jinx 2009-02-21 . chapter 1
Aw gosh, ain't that cute :)

L
-x-
MetroxStation 2009-02-19 . chapter 1
wow... just wow, this was really amazing! i really enjoyed it!
keep writing!
Daniella Uruviel 2009-01-25 . chapter 1
i really like the story,,..
the story is really sweet,,..
how i wish i got someone like Liam,,..
qwart 2009-01-21 . chapter 1
lol
this is so random and awesome!
very interesting!
im.a.werewolf.rawr. 2008-12-27 . chapter 1
^-^ It was great! (and Desperation is one of my favourite books lol)
Super.Secret.Music.Mission. 2008-12-19 . chapter 1
This was so perfectly fluffy tastic!! J'adore..seriously. :) Awesome awesome awesome!!
Return to Top