|
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Kyllorac 2008-03-28 ch 1, | abuse"dancing in the rain. Iloveyousomuch Just not like that." - This section struck me as a bit awkward. I think starting a new line at "Iloveyousomuch" would help it flow better. "yet the teardrops are tattooed on your heart." My favorite line. Very nice use of alliteration, and I really enjoyed the mental image it evoked for me. "trying not to cry because I you loved me." A random "I" hopped in, it seems. "And still I torture myself, wondering if I had pretended to be queer what things would be like now." - I love how you off-set "pretended" by giving it it's own line. Very effective. The stanzas are well-organized, and the imagery plain but effective. The title really caught my eye, as well. Overall, I quite enjoyed reading this. |
| Lost in A World of Pain 2007-12-18 ch 1, | abuseHey there, first off, I am SO sorry for not being online or reviewing anything for SO long. Exams and life happened, as I'm sure you are so well aware. But, enough rambling. The poem. This was a lot more raw than other poems of yours that I have read. Many questions arise in the mind of the reader and a sympathy is generated towards the writer or main character being depicted in the poem. The writing style flows smoothly and, as mentioned is raw with emotion. Very well put and I can't help but think that the last two lines in italics are the best of the poem. Many would disagree I think, but for me they are the most profound, because a child is then sent to a shrink who is struggling with their own lives and can't even help themselves yet now they have to help you. Well written! I hope to be able to be online more and read more of your work! Cheers Lost in A World of Pain |
| Ashelin 2007-12-18 ch 1, | abuse"Ignoring the ignored." That is a powerful line. This is an amazing poem, horribly sad, but wonderful still. It has so much emotion and is just so real. This is how poetry is supposed to be. |
| Yoroy 2007-12-18 ch 1, | abuseMy my. Another kid like me. I must say we seem rampant like this today. The form and the poem are fine, the idea is bordering great. The only problems I come across are the random capitalizations, which I find are more annoying than anything else, and the words that have no spaces. other than that a really beautiful work of art. |
| perpetual questions 2007-12-16 ch 1, | abuseIt would be stupid for me to pretend that I have any idea what to say. I'm just... so sorry. |