Good attention to detail again, but the hunt scene bothered me slightly. I know this is a fantasy based story, and so not everything is realistic, but when you incorporate real creatures, they should act according to their nature. For example, deer have an excellent sense of smell, and hearing. Koja never would have been able to have come as close as he had without the deer sensing him. Deer can smell a predator from a pretty good distance, and those who hunt for deer tend to mask their scent as well as use camouflage.

Anyway, other than that, you're doing well. Keep it up.

Hmm... it was well-written, but unfortunate it didn't really capture my interest and the only reason I continued you reading was because I didn't feel like going to bed and had nothing better to do.
It started off really good, not only was it interesting, but like I said, pretty well-written (as far as I can tell anyway, I was never one for grammar). But things started happening... way too quickly. Kojo and Lynna seemed to have little problem with the village being attacked, and when they do, they get over it pretty darn quickly. So far they have been attacked at LEAST three times in the process of four chapters, the first two in the first chapter. Usually I don't have a problem with this, but in my opinion the chapters aren't that long...
The conversations were funny but if you deleted the first paragraph in the fourth chapter, you would of never of known that they were running from Goruks. Maybe you could at detail of them hopping over things while talking? And, have you ever talked while running? It pretty hard, not say that you can't run and talk or anything, I do it all the time when I run, but if I was running for my life, I wouldn't be talking to the person next to me.
Don't get me wrong. I like this a lot, it has more then I could hope for in an online story. But it just could be better. (again MY opinion.) It obvious you worked ** this and I REALLY hope this didn't offend you or make you forget about the story, because I did like this, it just didn't go WHAM, and get me interested.
But as a reader, I should worn you that it seemed to be falling into the category of, 'Books where you can predict what will happen next'. But then again it not really far enough to tell.
Wow, did I really write that much? Um... well, all in all, this story (my opinion as a person who loves to read) was okay, but could be a lot better.
Hope you continue to write...

Good attention to detail. :) Much better! You were able to slow it down enough to give the reader a better understanding of the character's disposition as well as what's going on in the scene.

Definitely an interesting start. Koja seems like a fiery kid with a lot of spirit, and there seems to be quite a bit of action. :) That's good! The only suggestion I would give is to slow it down a bit and elaborate. Let the reader travel along on the hunt for the deer, or listen in on the two while they set up camp. That way the reader has a better feel for the setting, the mood and what's going on, instead of jumping from one event to the next.

I like the originality though, and I look forward to seeing what the next chapter has in store. :) Keep writing!