Reviews for The Hidden: Secrets are everywhere

Reviews For: The Hidden: Secrets are everywhere

Twilight Starr 2008-03-02 ch 9,	abuseVery interesting chapter. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-03-02 ch 8,	abusePoor Lily. Nice work. Have a great day. Thanks for the compliments. They really make my day. :D ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-02-07 ch 7,	abuseInteresting addition. Remember to double space between paragraphs, otherwise your formatting is screwed up. Have a lovely day. ~Twilight Starr~
awilla the hun 2008-02-05 ch 7,	abuseOk, I've read it. You really cranked out the chapters. Seven in about one month! The plot isn't bad, albiet a lot was taken from Eragon (the ending is quite similar, and the select group is there.) However, there are flaws. You use anachronisms. Whilst there is no clear image of your world's technology, and therefore what should and shouldn't be there, I by default think of it as medieval. Mentioning "on our radar" is definitely out, and the cannon possibly shouldn't be there either. And all the characters appear to be quite similar. Prince Darik reminds me of Prince Sameth from the Old Kingdom books, in that he's an awkward lover. But the rest are teenagers, and if they aren't, they don't show it. Finally, don't underline! It was a good romp, full of adventure and such, but it wasn't otherwise great. Do you write for a magazine or something? I was just wondering as to the identity of your editor.
Sword of the Earth 2008-02-04 ch 1,	abuseAlright, I am officially hooked, and will certainly read on. The only thing I noticed (in manner of criticism) is that you may want to replace "u" with "you" It's more of a minor thing, but helps the overall flow of the book. The instant hostility certainly grabs one's attention, along with Lana's "little" spat with her mother. Well done! -ST
WildRoseThorn 2008-01-30 ch 1,	abusehey lookie its my character! i feel special. o yah my story's up! w00t! called Jiae.
openheadspace 2008-01-30 ch 1,	abuseYes! I'm glad you got another chapter up so quick. AH! So worried about what will become of the foursome. I'm eager to see what happens next. Do you have an idea, or are you stuck in a rut? If you ever need some extra ideas I'm open to giving mine freely! XD Have a great week!
openheadspace 2008-01-29 ch 2,	abuseOMIGOSH! I wasn't in the reading mooding, but then I started on this story and I got sucked in faster than the speed of light! I love it. The genre is awesome, the characters develop perfectly, and the majority of the descriptions are just right so I can imagine what you might be seeing and fill in the spaces. Just some random comments: "She was nine years old and already her mind hated." Good way to provoke almost...pity to Lana. I wanted to just jump in the pages to give her a bear hug after that line! I love the foreshadowing you use to pull all the characters together in one place. It's smart and not just thrown together, like, "Here. Have another character. Hope it works out." XD I hate when writers do that. It gets a little spacey in the forth chapter near the second half. There isn't as much flow. But in Lily's flashback, I love the punching scene. Made me laugh so hard! As for the fifth...very first sentence- what same thought? The fighting is a bit sketchy in the beginning and the imagery isn't as clear as the last half. It sounds like you were getting into the moment and just writing what you imagined...but the reader doesn't know what you're seeing and can't keep up with the rush. You need to put in more detail in there just to make it more clear. Phew. That's it for my review! I'll definetly be watching for more of this. Love your writing style and the last chapter wasn't corny at all! (not being sarcastic FYI) Good job, and have a great week.
Twilight Starr 2008-01-10 ch 5,	abuseNice, action chapter. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-01-10 ch 4,	abuseThat doesn't sound good. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-01-10 ch 3,	abusePoor girl. Good addition. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-01-10 ch 2,	abuseGood job on description. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2008-01-10 ch 1,	abuseThese are troubled kids. Poor kids. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~
tyedye7272 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abuseHey. Definitely better written than The Jades. There were a few instances where you used chatspeak (u for you, etc.), but it was mostly fine. The only other things i would change is, in the beginning, if the crunch is barely audible, it shouldn't be bold, and the second to last sentence "she gathered the little bit of belongings" sounds awkward. I would change it to "She gathered her few belongings"

Return to Top