Reviews for The NonEpitaph - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The NonEpitaph

Basic Ignorance 2008-03-23 ch 1,	abusei love the first stanza everything fits so well together and you really get a picture in your head you lost me with 'the spikes dug a hole deep enough to fit all the lies you choked out' it sounds a little out of place after trying to decipher the meaning i still do not understand what the spikes are overall i see a relationship where the boy has pulled out and the girl is thinking now what the hell am i supposed to do it takes two to have a relationship and alot of times you find that people still beleive that they are the only ones in a relationship either because they are self centered of because their partner is you cannot write a poem with paper but no words you cannot form a relationship with yourself it is a great poem and like so many of your other poems i do not feel like i have read it before
Liam02 2008-03-03 ch 1,	abuseSo, everything in the first stanza was great, it really had me hooked- except for one word: "random." This word seems too broad for some reason. Too converstational. Do you know what I mean? I feel like you could put in something more poetic, or abstract. Let me get back to you on what that word could be, because I don't even really know myself. Anyway, everything else seemed really great. You're incredible at portraying atmosphere and attitude through words. If I think of a word in place of "random," I'll let you know. But don't hold your breath. I'm not great when it comes to poetry. I'm trying though. ethan
Kapoo 2008-02-15 ch 1,	abuseOh somebody's bitter. that's okay bitter kids are cool
clockwork Kiss 2008-02-04 ch 1,	abusei really like this piece, i've had the same experiences and i can totally understand. i think the first stanza is most powerful and i love how the narrator takes pride in the trash that is "hers," calling it treasure, i guess it shows how she kind of feels like trash even though she tries to keep her pride. the last part "that someone else used to do" really shows the bitterness, or at least temporariness of the whole situation. 2nd stanza- love the empty seats looking down at them image, but i think you could have played more on that, maybe added just one or two lines. i know it's going for simplicity, but i think it would have added a lot. and the last stanza- i love the contrast of trench coat and heels, again, the sort of duality as in the first stanza. like this relationship's something to be hidden away and kept secret, and yet like it's trying to dress itself up and be sexy and flirty at the same time. however, i thought "all the lies you choked out" was cliche and awkward- the vocabulary was weak and unpotent, and ending the sentence on "out" had no punch or firm finish. anyways, nice poem, the title fits well with the ending, and i could relate.
Otseis Ragnarok 2008-01-23 ch 1,	abuseOnar-> Review Game And hell hath no fury as a woman scorned... Something like that, right? This entire poem seemed like a way to vent emotions after a failed relationship. Am I right? (Or am I prying entirely too much into your personal life?) Either way, let's get down to the nitty-gritty: The first stanza was awesome, giving an impression of what the couple once was like; caring, loving, and above all else, together. I liked the way it was written, and while I don't likefree-verse poetry, that wasn't half bad. Second stanza: pretty good, but overshadowed by the first. Here was where it seemed that you were drawing more form personal experience(That's a good thing). The couple seemd happy still, but then came the third... Third stanza: What happened? I guess relationships can go that way too... I kinda feel bad for you, if it really did happen to you like I thought..
Esther Jade 2008-01-20 ch 1,	abuseI don't have a lot of time to review so I just want to say it is the most massive relief to read a poem on this site with proper suspensive pauses. I know it's not an in-depth or helpful comment but I just wanted to say it.
I.O.K.O 2008-01-08 ch 1,	abuseon my tombstone will be written "here lies cockmongler. He lives in all of our vaginal sea creatures."

Return to Top