Not bad, but I think this could be improved if you expanded the idea into the use of more metaphorical and figurative speech. Also, the line breaks seem to detract from the impact of the piece: Usually one complete part of a sentence per line, they don't leave an unknown to be answered in the next one, if that makes sense. For example, the last two lines:

"But, how can someone so in place
Be so lost within the world?"

I'd suggest something like:

"But how can someone so
in place be
so lost within the world?"

These are just ideas, and all in all, it's decent work. Keep writing.

I love the constant question in this, and though it might be a subject breached quite often in the writings of teenage girls, it is only because it's a pertinent one. The structure is also quite good...I love the way you make a statement, and then a contradiction. This reminds me a lot of one of mine, 'Somebody to Love Her'. Keep writing ^.^

I love the idea, and it's good writing, but I'd love to see prettier words here, it would illustrate your point better and make the poem more entertaining.

Love,
~Dia