Reviews for Sunbeam - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Sunbeam

spiderfly 2008-07-17 ch 1,	abuseI like the beginning - you start the poem with a simple sentence, but it sets the reader up for the rest of your delicate imagery. One thing I noticed was 'so far too fall' - it should be 'so far to fall'. I think this poem is even better on a second reading. 'I am never there enough?' I think the meaning in that line has slightly slipped; I know what you mean, when I think through it, but I shouldn't have to think through it, because it ought to be apparent. Thank you for a really INTERESTING poem.
jellywelly 2008-02-25 ch 1,	abusenice, i like the beginning. :) it put a pretty picture into my mind. you're writing is beautiful.
Her Wishing Well 2008-01-28 ch 1,	abuseI like the format. I also think your imagery is great but could be developed to be a little more powerful. This is sweet though. I liked it alot.
no.peace.los.angeles 2008-01-25 ch 1,	abuseThe last two lines of this are gorgeous. I do think you used "fall" too many times, but the poem itself really is beautiful. Lovely work. Keep writing! :)
doxology 2008-01-20 ch 1,	abuseWell it's obvious to me that you cannot improve. Simply gorgeous. "while you wait for me as you always do." I mean, HELLO, though I doubt you have to be reminded. Great job. Peace & Love ~> Hp
SheridanSpence 2008-01-17 ch 1,	abuseLovely imagery...I like the line "But not today." It has a sort of resonating power.
Moondog Dozier 2008-01-10 ch 1,	abuseI like how you've stayed true to the delicate nature throughout with the use of soft imagery. Gives the reader an airy, gentle feeling, as we identify with the speaker's emotions. Phrases like, "fragile spiderweb balancing", and "sparkle in your upward gaze", exemplify how this captures a consistency of tone. Very well written. MD:77.
Aquafied 2007-12-28 ch 1,	abuseit seems kind of like a painful fall
multiples of six 2007-12-22 ch 1,	abuseGorgeous imagery. This whole thing is lovely.
Miserable Regrets- Riafn 2007-12-20 ch 1,	abuseOh, I like this poem. The comparisons are really good. The last line is great.
Kavita Najim 2007-12-20 ch 1,	abuseI really like the start of the poem. Maybe for the ending you could try rewording the end? The tiny sunbeam part is my favorite!
The Lady dreams Imagine 2007-12-19 ch 1,	abuseHello! You were desperate reviews, so I decided to play review fairy! (I sound much hyper-er than I actually am, no need to fear.) I really like this poem. I'm going to make this a backhanded compliment and say that I LIKE it, not LOVE it, because you want honestly it appears. However, I don't really have any reasons for not loving it. What I like about this - the imagery, really. I like the idea of a sunbeam, fragile and meek/shy as a spider's web. The fragility is what you really capture, and it's captured in how you set up the poem as well. The middle was okay. There was nothing remarkable about it. There was nothing directly bad about it. That's why, though this is perfectly good, I can't love it - the whole thing doesn't scream at me "I am written by a genius." (I've actually only found one poet I consider a true genius, not that you care. It was an excellent experience for me.) In fact, the lack of remark I had about it made me want to pass it by, then I read the last lines and I was very pleasantly delighted. You wrote them so intricately. The sentence is structured to be delicate, and I commend your use of litotes. I know that you probably don't know what litotes is. That's actually why I used it. I wanted to sound educated - really, it's not even important, because all it means is "double negative." I probably sound stupid now, but I'm just trying to prove to myself that Latin literary terms do actually serve a purpose. Not that you care. I suppose I'm just rambling now, aren't I? But yes, the last lines are rather amazing. They are remarkable. Nice job. Lady Dreams Imagine Oh, and Merry Christmas! And sorry to ask this of you, but please reply to this review just so that I know you got it. It's quite disappointing when I spend time on people and they don't even acknowledge me.
generically beautiful 2007-12-19 ch 1,	abuseI really liked the imagery - very lovely! I think the only thing I would suggest changing is putting a line break as follows: "a fragile spiderweb balancing between the clouds" It seems to fit better with the first two lines, since you broke after "a tiny sunbeam." Other than that, no brilliant suggestions from me. =) -Christine

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