Reviews for What Makes the Heart Beat

Reviews For: What Makes the Heart Beat - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

honey splattered brains 2008-09-23 ch 12,	abuseshe's so cute. ): i dont like mackenzie's friends though. ** me off. =__=
xxcanyouseemexx 2008-09-12 ch 30,	abuseaww are you going to do a sequel? i loved this story (: plzz do more haha :P x ♥
Charlotte Russo 2008-09-07 ch 13,	abuseLike the plot, but the writing could use a little more 'flavor' and by that I mean you need to describe settings, characters, and situations in more detail. Another suggestion I have for you is to go in more depth with your characters. Give us an insight to what's going on inside their heads, don't just give us one characters thoughts. Also, watch your grammer and spelling as there were many errors made in those departments. All-in-all this story was a little bit mediocre, it was just okay when it could have been spectacular. Work on your skills and i'm sure you'll give us some very good works in the future. :).
Abigail Night 2008-06-24 ch 1,	abusei
happiest-emo-kid-you-know 2008-05-27 ch 30,	abuseWell does she marry him or what?! Oh by the way this was really good.
THEXXHOPELESSXXROMANTIC 2008-05-15 ch 30,	abuseamazing ending. really it has me almost dying waiting for a sequel. love your writing. i started this this afternoon and totally did not move until i was done. your a great writer!!
EyezofHorus 2008-03-29 ch 1,	abuseI actually do this...what a great idea to put something like this in a story...its so realistic.
SummerBaby94 2008-03-24 ch 30,	abuseOh, I'm proud, I guessed it! :) Haha. That's so sweet!!
krystal floyd 2008-03-22 ch 30, anon.	abusethis was a very good story but i never found out what disease mckenzie had maybe i missed it :):):):):)
lulu511 2008-03-22 ch 30,	abuseWow. That was crazy good! Great job! xp
MunichLi 2008-03-19 ch 30,	abuseI liked this story and the characters, but I think that they need a lot more conflict resolution. I'm not sure if you're planning a sequel or not, but there are too many questions that William never answered Mackenzie. She might have overreacted a little in the first place, but obviously if this wasn't a recurring event, she wouldn't have been so upset. I'd love to see more groveling on his part! Thanks for posting.
Black-Blooded-Velvet 2008-03-10 ch 25,	abuseOkay- i've read up to... chapter 14...ish? Loving the story, loving the plot. Not loving the mass murder on the english language. Your spelling's a bit under the weather- particularly the "your" and "you're" or the "here" and "hear" confusion. Or you miss out entire words. From a reader's perspective, it's kinda hard to read! Aside from those things, the characters are good, plot is good, general story line is good. There's one more thing i'm a little upset with is how extremely dramatic Mackenzie suddenly becomes sometimes. She seems a faily level-headed girl.. then- she explodes in tears and paranoia. I don't know if that's your intention; to have her as an 'all over the place' character. But it does make me very confused sometimes. Anyway, i'm not wanting this to be a flame or whatever, just constructive criticism. It's a good story. Keep it up! -Velvet
.... 2008-03-10 ch 25, anon.	abusethe story was good at the beggining, and your writing style is ok, but i find theres no longer anything special about this. its just a normal insecure girls life. she needs a major change because you story is getting very bland, and your main character is if anything just simply annoying. shes whiney, clingy, needy and not to mention mildly nosey. of course she does have some god aspects, i mean your depicting the start of an eating disorder quite wel, you have a well developed sence of being overlooked, youve captured the idea of her helpfulness ultimatly being her downfall. but this whole relationship with william, its become a rather large thorn in my side. its just the mose perpetuantly annoying relationship ever. 'oh your not spending enough time with me, you dont like me, im ugly, i feel like you dont care' 'your wrong' 'ok im sorry' 'i love you' 'love you too' 'bye'.. in all honesty, guys do not want to hear about those things constantly, they are with you, and that should be enough, if they didnt want to be with you, then they would end it. is the general guy mentality, im surprised your fellow is even still hanging around. maybe you should have her cheat on him, it might make her self esteem higher, and then he could see what his neglect has done. they could get into an argument about it, and then she could choose between the 2, just an idea. but mainly, just spice things up with your main character, not everyone around her.. Also, i will give you the best writing advice i was ever given.. go out, and observe how others talk, how society communicates, no so much slang, but just the style in whic people talk, dont worrie about grammer in conversations, because society doesnt speak grammatically correct. the realisticness of dialog could make or break a story/novel. im on the fence about yours, which ultimatly means it needs a little work. i guess i just wanted to comment something either than it drags on, which really was my main point.
mary 2008-03-03 ch 24, anon.	abusei hope they work it out... she still could be pregnant...
Black-Blooded-Velvet 2008-03-03 ch 24,	abuseI've saved you're whole story, it loks brilliant- i've yet to read- but it looks brilliant. I'll let you know my ACTUAL feedback when you put up the next chapter, but for now- just me waffling saying that it really looks brilliant. -Velvet

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