You know, I like this.

You did a good job with tone and characterizing the narrator. It's only 300 words, yet in such few words you managed to get a grab my attention, promise a good plot, and introduce --in a way-- your main character, whom I think I like.

I did manage to catch quite a few mechanical errors and such --in an intro so short, you really don't have an excuse not to look over it and correct these things. If you're not going to offer the reader quantity, the least you can do is offer us quality, whether it's a "short intro" or a pivotal action scene.

"Ok so I'm lying (semi-colon) I'm just a little Seer. Aw (comma) hell I can barely control my visions. Hell (comma) I (italicize--don't underline) can't control my visions." etc. etc. etc.

Good job with this, story-wise though. I'm definitely sticking around for the next chapter.

~ Audy