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| Tawny Owl 2008-06-02 ch 1,  | abuseI liked this - although I thought it was quite wierd. The opening was good - although there was a lot of repitition there was a long enough break between all the 'he envied hers' so it didn't become too static. Does that make sense? You carried it all the way through as well, and the 'he did not envy her anymore' at the end was a nice way to finish. There are lots of unasnswered questions about your character as well. Like why he shot the girl, and why he can't die. I think that adds to the wierdness of it, and it made me think for myself, which was good. |
| Distilledfx 2008-05-21 ch 1, | abuseNice little story here. I really like these short ones, 500 words or so. You handled the writing in this well, when I saw that all the sentences in the first paragraph started with "He envied her" I was a little worried, but you kept it moving. I like these things because you give the character a back story, enough of one not to be a cardboard cut-out, you also do this quickly and easily. The idea is different but I do wonder why he thinks he will be able to kill himself with a bullet if he can jump off buildings and stuff. Some typos I noticed: "And [her] envied her for her dainty little toes and her curved hourglass-shaped body too." Should be "he" "And he [endvied] the dead girl" should be "envied" Nice work and keep writing! |
| that one guy 2008-05-03 ch 1, anon. | abusemerry chrismahanaqwanzaca |
| Echo_Noob 2008-01-27 ch 1, anon. | abuseI like this one. It reminds why people both need and hate each other. |
| HGiel 2008-01-03 ch 1, | abuseLovely story! I like the ending, it made me smile~ |
| Rose Valentine 2008-01-01 ch 1, | abuseCool story! I can somehow relate to it . . . |
| Lovely Grim 2007-12-30 ch 1, | abuseI think you are very disturbed... but so am I. I love it. It's emotion packed. |