FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| eine.hexe 2008-07-23 ch 1,  | abuseI think this is wonderfully written! I especially liked the refrain and how you changed it at the end. The flow is surprisingly smooth, even for a rhyming poem. I never thought I'd like a poem that rhymes this much, so congratulations. It's very touching and the way you sketched his struggle with himself, the voices leading him and the acceptance and determination to get everything over with is remarkable. So, yeah, I really love it. Keep up the good work :) |
| painted.music 2007-12-26 ch 1, | abusekonban wa Wow. Excellent, excellent poem. I haven't read rhyming in a while, so it was a bit awkward for me at first; but after that first stanza or so, I got back into it. :) Wow. Stunning poem. I had too manby favorite lines to mention, but that would be evil of me, wouldn't it? That'd be a crappy review to leave. -- "Remind me to find my suicide note / Put a gun to my head and a hole in my throat" -- "Then she grabs our child, our two-year-old son" There. I narrowed it down to two. :) I was actually surprised with the ending, though. It's not that I thought the narrator wouldn't commit suicide in the end; it's just with the last line: "Don't bother with your love, I'm going to Heaven." I would have thought you'd actually say, "Don't bother with your love, I'm NOT going to Heaven." *shrug* But that's just me. Anyway, this poem was outstanding! Ha det -Shan- |
| girl without wings 2007-12-26 ch 1, | abuseNice job with the flow and rhyme. Keep writing. |
| soliloquium 2007-12-26 ch 1, | abuseit's amazing. god, it's not FAIR how everybody writes SO MUCH BETTER than me. |