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| half-sketched.staccatos 2007-12-26 ch 1,  | abusekonban wa The ending was absolutely excellent: a simplistic sentence that was chilling to the bone. Haunting. "I really must admit / There's blood everywhere" - excellent. The rest was... eh. I know you were trying to accomplish the whole repetition for effect thing (I'd assume anyway), but this just sounded... TOO repetative. If you had cut out maybe half of those "There's blood here, there's blood there, etc." and perhaps added some imagery, this could be a perfect poem and a lot stronger with the meaning. *shrug* Good job anyway, though. :P Zaijen -Shan- |
| soliloquium 2007-12-26 ch 1, | abusewow. |