Reviews for Compliments - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Compliments

Luny Loona 2008-06-09 ch 1,	abuseIt doesn't matter whether it's speech or whatever, you either continue writing in that paragraph of you go onto a new one. That is, you either press enter twice or don't press it at all. If you used indentations in the original document, you'll have to fix that. ...'“You truly are beautiful, Bridy” Jake said, rather seriously.'...speech always ends with some kind of punctuation. In this case, it should be a comma. ...'Whenever you meet someone for the first time, they always say “You’re a beautiful girl.”'...similarly, if there're words before speech, there's a punctuation between them, too. There should be a comma after 'say'. ...'Or they’ll replace gorgeous with, pretty or ‘hawt’.'...there shouldn't be a comma before 'pretty'. ...'For all I know, Jake is just complimenting me, it’s not actually true.'...Independent clauses can't just be joined with a comma. You can either choose to put a conjunction in, use a dash or use a semicolon. Most of this is written in a rather informal tone. Although that is fine with this type of writing, it'd be better to tone down on the 'Meh' and other sounds. You shouldn't go for long slabs of speech without periodically indicating the speaker. It's easy to lose track. But I like the idea behind the story. There're just a few technical things in there. Have a nice day.
found.eventually 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseI like the fact that the one-shot had one main issue(slash topic), and the story pretty much revolved around it. It was adorable at some parts, hilarious at others (I honestly, HONESTLY never knew breasts could be... what was it again, empowering??) But you wanted some concrit, right? :) Well. One, the format. I don't know if it's on purpose or fictionpress screwed your format, but it's rather confusing, and the space between certain lines didn't make any sense. Not to me, at least. So some people might get annoyed with that. Ooh, and your one-shot was in present tense, yes? Your first line, when Jake complimented her? Yeah. That was past tense, love. You might wanna edit that. But otherwise it was pretty good love!
Written 2008-03-20 ch 1,	abuseEven before you said 'Git', I was like "say 'git', say 'git'!" Is that Harry Potter's influence on us? hehehe. “Compliments are used to make people think highly of you. Make you seem kind.” Maybe I'm a self conscious crazy person, but I never ever can flat out believe compliments! everyone tells me I'm paranoid, but I can really relate to this narrator here. (I start fidgeting awkwardly. I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable. Maybe because it is the first time I have been complimented for real and know it is real- and by my neighbor at that. My male neighbor. Hurrah.) hahaha. I can totally relate to this too. I overheard (oops, eavesdropping) a flattering comment from a cute boy once and it pretty much made my day! I like the name Bridy :D I think I read it in a really bad (published) historical fiction, but it didn't decrease my admiration for the name. And now it was used in a good story! So yay! I like the simplicity this story had... I think it really works for this story. That and I really could relate. I know you asked for CC, but I can't seem to notice anything to point out... Hang on, let me reread... Um... yeah, nothing. Your formatting is a little... odd? did you have a reason for some of the parts sticking together and some of them not? I'm just guessing it divides the story up into parts. Okay, that was fun :D I think you have a talent for this writing thing! You should suggest what I should read from you next.
faerie-gumdrops 2008-02-26 ch 1,	abuseThis is cute! And Jake is lovely. I get all paranoid about compliments like that too, so I can totally relate. 'I mentally groan. I’ve been reading too much Harry Potter' hehe I know how that feels! 'You said it made me look like a tramp and ….that it made my breasts look empowering' I loved the embarrassment here. Jake is really cool. One tiny bit of CC - sometimes you use a full stop at the end of speech where it should be a comma, for example 'You know I love blueberry muffins.” I sulk.' should probably have a comma (although it could technically be both in this case...bad example). Doesn't happen very often. Also, the formatting is a bit squashed in the middle; she might want to break it up a bit. This was a cute one shot (it IS a one shot, isn't it? As opposed to a first chapter?). Well done!
GrannyP 2008-01-27 ch 1,	abuseInteresting concept, and cute characters. The first thing you should consider doing to this story is fixing the formatting. It's all squished together and some people probably won't even attempt to read it. I have nothing else to add. Oh, except that the name Bridy is also interesting. I've never heard this before.

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