Grammar edits (oh yes, I am a stickler. xD.):

"...Tyson said(,) playing in the lake water."
...“as long as I never lose you.(")
..."freezing cold… they decided to make their way to the sandy beach." I think would work better as "...freezing cold, and then they..."
"...blond hair, that was laying upon his chest." Shouldn't have a comma.
That's about all I'm going to do.

You might want to get a beta, or something. The grammar indiscrepancies(sp?) mess up the flow of your story a lot.

The middle monologue was... interesting. I find that conveying shattered emotions is better without poetry, perhaps sort of a stream-of-thought in italics, but it's your choice.

Those are most of the big things. I could understand your characters, though they weren't fleshed out, and some of your grammar, etc., was off.

I really liked the message of the story, about love and stuff (I hate homophobia, too). The ending left a bit of a gap, and yet cliffhangers make unique endings.

All in all, okay. Keep writing, and break a pen. XD.

- Octavia, for the Review Game