I don't have that long. I read your story and thought that it was a little confusing. It seemed like she was high, hallucinated through a lot of it. I would attempt to clarify some things, such as the lesson, because in the end, the ending seems very rushed. Other than that, very nice. I don't like you referenceing Harry Potter though. I don't know. It seems kind of immature. Fantastic. Touch up some of it and it will be perfect. Great idea!

Lady Alera Van Hexis
H.P

in one of the earlier paragraphs, use "man" instead of "guy". I love the formal, flowery language, stay with that rather than using colloquial slang.
slightly random... was this based off of a dream?
I don't enjoy the pop-culture references, but I like how you portray the characters!
very interesting... I like how it all ties in the end, and the song lyrics are perfect for the story!! The story is quite... random... but it is good just the same. I would never have thought up of a story quite like this...!