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| -'-TexasCoverGirl-'- 2008-01-25 ch 1,  | abusejust a little note: as someone who was a national level shooter at the age of 15, you wouldn't use a machine gun to assasinate someone. The distance that you would have to cover and the silence that you would need and the accuracy that would be required would only lead you to use a high grade sniper rifle. Machine guns are semi-automatic, have too much kick, are not accurate enough and too loud to prevent detection. I don't mean to sound know-it-all-ish, I'm just letting you so it sounds a little more realistic to those of us familiar with guns. Great story though. Highly interesting. Keep it up! |
| shootingstar89 2007-12-30 ch 7, | abuseyes! luke is so sweet! i loved the date scene! |
| shootingstar89 2007-12-29 ch 5, | abuseyes! an update! i love it... Jocelyn's character is shining through all the little details... such as, He chuckled again. "Ah, Jocelyn, even on break,you work hard." see? i love the little things like that. just one other thing i noticed was that Luke's aunt would be a widow since she's a woman. A widower is a man who's wife is deceased. other than that, it's really really good. please keep updating! |
| shootingstar89 2007-12-28 ch 4, | abuseoh, my gosh, that was so good. i absolutely love your writing style. it's so natural. i can't wait to see what happens next! |
| Shadows in the Fire 2007-12-28 ch 1, | abuseAh--a nice, dark secret-agent story. Nice. I love the MC's cold lack of emotions. It adds a nice touch the story. Very great beginning. Thumbs up, Audrey! One thing; the title of your story reminds me of the book "I Could Tell You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You". I'm not sure if you were aware of that, but I'd change the title, if I were you, to keep it original. Below are a few more suggestions. -Corrections- 1.) "And of course, the best part of my outfit, my lovely black machine gun." Change the comma after 'outfit' to a semicolon [;] 2.) "As I turned my attention to the two in the penthouse, she was now standing directly in front of him." This reads a little awkward. See what you can maybe do with it. -Shadow |