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| concerto49 2008-02-01 ch 1,  | abuseI think I made that post about people wanting to review, so I'll read. There were some good ideas here and there - think it could be written better. Feels a little rushed. Often, I wanted to say I liked it, but then it was a little hard to read. All the caps too. Think you could work on this a bit more - might be good. Yeah as you said what you need to improve on is how you write. Try to be a bit more sophisticated. You seem to know what you're doing but the ideas get a bit messy. Good luck with it. |
| beccabrighteyes 2008-01-26 ch 5, | abuseYou have what could be a good story, but you're writing is childish. Your sentence structure is short and choppy, and you move through things too quickly. You lack believable dialogue, and you have absolutely no believable character development. You could be a good writer if you worked on it. |
| ObliviousWanderer 2008-01-22 ch 9, | abuseWHaT! NO! IT CAN'T BE 'TO BE CONTINUED!' THIS IS SO MEAN! UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! |
| YaYaLeE 2008-01-22 ch 1, | abusewhat. the. f*. |
| Alexa'sAppleTree 2008-01-22 ch 9, | abuseAwesome chapter |
| ObliviousWanderer 2008-01-20 ch 8, | abuseWHAT! WHY DID CHRISTINE DO THAT! NO! That's so sad...:( although she has been through a lot. Stupid Alex! Stupid Diane! Stupid Eugene! Stupid Brian! and STUPID STUPID GRACE! I really like Christine. You are so good at this kinda stuff. Update Soon! |
| Alexa'sAppleTree 2008-01-19 ch 8, | abuseGAH! I THOUGHT SHE LIKED HIM o.o lol update soon =O |
| booknerd.xP 2008-01-19 ch 8, | abuseWHAT?!?! she said sorry & left! what the heck. this upsets me. x[ i ned the next chapter! |
| Alexa'sAppleTree 2008-01-11 ch 6, | abuseahh, interesting story! update son =D! man, i hope she gets a better life =/ rawr~ |
| Blackened Blood 2008-01-08 ch 5, | abusevery good, i feel so bad for chrisrine. please update |
| BeautifulAssassin 2008-01-02 ch 3, | abuseGood update, I like it...one thing though - why did no-one else say anything about Grace beating up Christine when the teacher came in? Anyway, I thought you did the whole emotional bit in chapter 3 well - a lot of people could probably relate to it...keep writing! |
| Bluish Mind 2008-01-01 ch 3, | abusehello... well, i think it's a bit fast, you know. and i was wondering... when exactly did christine fell in love with alex? it was so sudden... and i can't stop thinking about its ending already. ^^ hehehe... and also christine's dad, why did he hate her that much? i hate him! can i have a request?... can you write about her being popular all of the sudden and beat that grace to a pulp. IF it's possible ^^ |
| a bitter kiss. 2007-12-31 ch 3, | abuseTry to tone down on the whole capitalization. You can use it, but you don't have to use it all the time when a character is shouting. : ) Other than that really minor thing, good story. Good luck! :) |
| munseong 2007-12-30 ch 2, | abuseInteresting... It really shows the girl's situation. Keep it up! |
| BeautifulAssassin 2007-12-29 ch 1, | abusewow...Grace is rather evil... you shouldn't use caps so much becasues it distracts from whats being said and looks kinda unprofessional...also, you should fix your summary...it seems like a tiny thing, but writing 'u' instead of 'you' seems to put some people off reading the actual story...anyway, interesting start...I look forward to the next chapter... |