Hey so I forgot to mention this in my review, but I was completely not expecting everyone to turn on him like that. Did Caiaph just convince them that they needed a new leader and that he was the best one for the job? Interesting.

Also, where does the Advocate plan on going, exactly? At first I thought he might try to get to Haven but that'd be really incredibly dumb on his part, unless nobody recognizes him...then he could just pretend to be some random person. Hmm. Do any of the rebels actually know what the Advocate looks like? Joshua said that he never saw his face (in the prologue). I want to know what'll happen!!

Firstly, I'd like to say that I love the idea of doing the antagonist's point of view. I had no idea the Advocate was so weak. Does the Silver Sign know that?

"...that perhaps you would be so kind as to wait only a moment for our Lord Advocate." But the Advocate's sitting right there...? Why would they have to wait for him?

"In the Eastern Providence, four citizens have left and not returned." Anton, Joshua, Ruth...did Ezekiel go with them? I don't think he did. Or does Ruth not count and you're counting Matthias and Samuel? (Plus I'm still convinced it's Eastern PROVINCE.)

Is it necessary to add "the Hallowed" after every name? I think it's kind of understood that all of the people there are Hallowed.

"And I cannot afford to forget. I cannot afford to forget anything." I'm a little confused by this guy. Is he really the all-powerful jerk you made him out to be in the prologue? Or was that 15 years ago, and now he's getting old and ill? Or was he never as powerful as he made himself out to be? But then how would he have killed Capt. Hayes?

"The Advocate cannot be seen as weak." How could not remembering a dream be considered weak? Odd.

Did he have the same dream as Anton?

"If Ecclesians knew of my illness...Small wonder they talk of rebellion." So nobody knows that he's so weak and sick. Interesting.

How old is this guy, exactly?

I hope these "Dead Ways" are justified or at least explained eventually. They sound pretty cliche-ish as of now.

Caiaph seems to be a terrible liar. Or does he always smile all the time? Based off Nathaniel, I can't see him as a person to do that. So wouldn't the Advocate notice that it's a little odd that he smiles so much? Even if it is kind of a constant thing.

Are you going to tell us what exactly the Advocate is sick with? It's bugging me.

“Deceiving.” Caiaph shrugged, but still he was smiling, “I have deceived you for years.” Oh wow, what an **.

Wow so the Advocate's not old at all, if this guy was there when he was born.

“...now you are dust. Isn't that what you said to Amabel? To Hayes, when you ripped their hearts from their still-breathing bodies?” Yeah, about that. Is that part of the "Dead Ways" to be able to rip out people's hearts? And if he can do that, why does he need to keep a knife?

"It spun through the air. And missed.
“Where are you looking, Lord Advocate? Finally lost your mind, as well, have you?”
The Advocate blinked. What...what is happening...the knife...it touched him!" WTF? Can Caiaph use the Dead Ways too? Or has he learned to Apparate?

"The Advocate was being barraged by waves upon waves of incredulity." I don't like the way this is worded. The passive tense kind of contradicts the intense scene.

“Pride, most of all,” Caiaph said, as if in passing conversation, “and greed, as well. Lust, perhaps. The glory of killing the great Advocate, the riches of the Hallowed, and well, word in the halls is that dear Caticix is a professional.” Who's Caticix? That's the weirdest name I've ever heard.

“Your wife! Your wife!” Caiaph was wroth. “My sister and you let her die.” Oh, the plot thickens!

“But so long as it is in my possession, I am immune to the Dead Ways.” Hmm, seems a little far-fetched. But I guess it works with the story, huh?

"“Your choice,” Caiaph said, as he drew his blood-scarlet sword." Eww, he doesn't clean the blood off his sword? Or is the blade just red? You might want to make that a little clearer.

Hidden tunnels? Interesting. Are they all across the country?
"...an underground labyrinth that the citizens could use for escape." Escape from what?

But the guy was hit with an apparently quick-acting poison. How could he possible navigate through all these tunnels without dying?

Hmm good chapter, despite all this evidence that I think otherwise. Off to your next chapter!

Hey, aren't you proud of me? I'm actually getting to this in a timely manner!

I thought the first few paragraphs seemed a little rushed, the whole him getting "abducted" and all. I'd at least describe it in real time, instead of saying "they had" done this, that, etc. It'd seem more realistic, I think. Unless the rushed, almost dream-like feel is what you're going for...?

Ah, I was wondering when you were going to re-introduce the Element.

Ruth--what I said in the hard copy. I don't think I like her so far, at all. The ongoing swine/pig/oink metaphor thing is funny though.

I thought you said Ruth was tall and lean? Really, I can't think of any thick-set 7-foot-tall women. And I guess there's a bit of a difference between muscular and thick-set, but I'm pretty sure you said she was a bit skinnier in earlier chapters. Hmm.

"Their golden eyes glittered in the moonlight." "...and his brown eyes squinted at the solemn moon." You said that no moon ever shone on Ecclesia! You don't like to be consistent with the sun/moon thing, do you? You did the same thing with the sun a few chapters ago, I pointed that out in the hard copy once I get that back to you.

Poor Joshua. How'd he end up carrying everything?

Matthias seems a bit pompous, but I guess we don't know him too well yet. Is Samuel hiding something or is he just quiet because he's quiet, or is he just quiet compared to his buddy Matthias?

"Matthias ignored the jape." Do you mean "jibe"?

"Others simply referred to it as the Wastes, after Queen Amabe's extravagant ways." That doesn't really make any sense. Do you mean they're contrasting how it used to be and how it is now?

"No one ever ventured there. No one could. And no one dared." Reminds me of the very first line of the prologue--nice.

"Ecclesia's walls were nearly as wide as THEY WERE high." Mrs Stegman would slap you!

"My family died two years ago, Joshua. He died and no one mourned him." Aww, poor Isaac. Not even the little kids at the orphanage, or Joshua? How sad.

"Be careful not to ** on anything." Oh dear.

"Nothing compares to our dear Ecclesia." I'm assuming that's sarcasm. Or did you mean to say Haven?

Oh, that song sounds like it's going to be symbolic. Intense.

I'll do the next chapters later, I'm getting yelled at to go to bed. This seems more like an interlude chapter...hopefully the next ones will pick it up a little bit!
I do like it though :)

Brother! Fictionpress won't let me review! Says that I've "already posted a review" and so I am "rejected"! What nerve! So...here i am with my warped alias.

So, anywho, LOVED the twist. At first I thought you were simply changing your original perception of the Advocate to a more human character, with human flaws and weaknesses. Thus, I thoroughly enjoyed the scene of Caiaph's attemption Advocate assassination. I also thought your bringing in their history within the dialogue worked impeccably.

One thing: I do hope you're planning on explaining more of the world history to us readers. I know, you can't just suddenly write a history...unless you do...by presenting a character with no knowledge of how the world came to be so far. like a child. in a school lecture. or perhaps discovering a book or timeline. Just something that will help us readers have a better idea of all these battles that you keep referencing. They don't mean much to me at this point. And if that keeps up, i may start ignoring them with the dialogue. i don't want to do that.

Oh yes, additionally, unless a horrendous, glaring mistake is made, I will no longer comment on your vocab, syntax, or style anymore--you know they've become quite excellent. Sometimes though, try and sit back to ponder on the limit of a single sentence length. It'll get confusing otherwise.

Okay, off to read this Joshua character profile. Interesting, I'm imagining. Keep in mind however, that were this an actual book, you would not have such a profile pop up in the midst of the chapters. ...right?

Tu hermana fantastica!

blueh! (or some other expression of surprise)

An awesome twist from the original plot!

Overall, I think this new style of writing in characters' perspectives fits your story very well (since it's extremely character driven).

Your writing is always improving! Still the occasional typo here and there, but who can help those?

Keep up the good work!

Aah, Ruth. She's even more brusque than before. Question though: is she more heavy-set, or rather, built, or 'wiry' like you wrote in this chapter? i'm just having a hard time picturing her, if you did indeed change her appearance. i'm also enjoying how you're emphasizing the rankings. much clearer understanding now, by giving the readers hints of how Haven's gonna be run.

can't wait to see how the two prophesized and ruth are going to react. it was one thing for ruth to live in haven. now that she's a double agent, her whole character may be a bit more darklhy unpredictable and less amusing than before.
How she poked the corpse made a perfect example. very macabre.

It won't let me review on my own login. I have no idea why, but it will pay. oh yes...with corn.

ANYWAY!

Thank God for the main exposition chapter! Much clearer beginning to Anton's journey this time.

I found a total of five grammar mistakes. Please search and destroy appropriate. Or else I will break out the caps and this time, i will be yelling at you.

Now, as for the events of the chapter--wonderful. you managed to get Anton to Profas' restaurant and into the secret room without it be cliche or insensibly lucky. (oh, and i like that you did away with the stanzas at the beginning of each chapter--yes, they were getting cheesy. ...and it is 'bear' not 'bare' please!)

what else? it's hard to narrow down the best parts I enjoyed--it was all, on the whole, a great chapter from beginning to end.

I love how you described the setting. The grittiness of the wood and dirt compared to the light of Memory, the way the tunnel smelled. The way Anton's thoughts chipped in to help describe--not repeat inanely.

Character wise:
Why was it that every time I started feeling sucked into the seriousness of the dialogue, you reminded me about Ezekiel's chins? Did you time it that way? geez. but very skillfully done in any case.

I also like how Anton isn't completely gone. I mean, he still called Ezekiel "Mr. Profas"--still polite--even something like that makes him more likable. Also, this time around his mood doesn't seem so...pitiful. It's more...rational, the way you write him. That's the best way I can describe it. I'm interested in what will happen when his views change. Will his personality change with him? Or will he find that shedding his bitter defensive shell the more difficult--yet worthy--choice?

I know the review's getting rather long now. BEAR with me. I is almost done.

Lastly, I enjoyed the history of Queen Amabel. You gave us what Anton has been taught vs. what profas tells him in a splendid play-by-play of thoughts and spoken words. I love the denial. (as long as one day, it's shattered to bits--already started anyway--with Memory)

Okay, I probably forgot some topics I wanted to touch on. But for now, I promise you I won't bring them up again as long as you don't mention Ezekiel's chins in the next chapter. I have a feeling you're gonna change pov's again anyway, so I shouldn't worry. ...Unless it's Ezekiel's pov. *shudders*

may i reiterate how much i like Ruth. fabulous really.

as for joshua, his character is much...fuller now. you see his faults clearly and how his thoughts flow across the page/screen--yes, your prose has gone beyond my level of critique, i think. now someone who's studied creative writing may be able to add some things, but for me, i am satisfied.

(except if you make any grammar errors--you know how that irks me)

anyway, back to Ruth. I'm curious to find out what else you changed since you brought her into the story so soon. i can't wait to see how ruth and anton would interact when they finally meet. :)

And you said you didn't change very much! PSSHAW!! This is practically a different story.

And I like it very much.

At first, i thought it rather dramatic writing--too much so, but then i remembered it is from anton's pov, so it works.

I cannot say how pleased I am to see such subtle background clues--clues of the world/culture/history--behind this world in which Anton lives so bitterly. Queen Amabel indeed. I'm looking forward to learning more.

And Ezekiel's character took a 180! When you mentioned three chins, and the soup thickener...ew. This chapter has left me with a wonderful clarity of Ezekiel. ...so I'm gonna read the next chapter now so I can forget about him. Congrats for drawing out such an emotion.

Brilliant exposition!

I loved how free-flowing, smooth, and eloquent this intro felt. Was this a third-person omnicient narration or that of a character inside the story?

I guess I'll have to read on to find out!

Whoa, the plot thickened so much that it's like the consistency of cookie dough now. I'm really curious now. Keep up the good work!

Whoa. The ADVOCATE was the one who prophesized it? Hmm now it gets more mysterious. I wonder who was this man exactly?

Congrats are in order for your depiction of the Advocate. He is evil, but certainly not stupid, and yes, very charismatic with his words. (so i wonder why you're so afraid of public speaking--surely if you can write it, you can say it...no? ok, no.)

This little chapter also brought a lot of substance to your overall theme(s). At least, it feels like that. Usually, what is opposite to our intended message is embodied in our antagonist. So...perhaps this is what you're doing. Perhaps, in time, we readers may come to see that the Advocate does have his valid points.

Only more of the story will tell. I'm curious to find out.

Overall, good job. Built up the energy sufficiently for the upcoming turmoil.

Wowzerz.

I love your style of writing! So elegant yet simple enough to understand for the casual reader...and the dialogue! Simply amazing! The verbal sparring between your characters is thrilling and certainly immerses the reader (at least me) into the story.

My favorite part of this chapter was at the very end-"Anton wished Caiaph had taken his advice"-what a brilliant way to describe Caiaph's death, and the reasons for Anton wanting him to close his eyes-because of what happened in Chapter 1, am I right? The open, dead eyes of Isaac that Anton so loathes, I'm loving the allusions to previous chapters!

One thing you should probably improve on though:
Try to keep the action sequences a bit more clean, a bit more rapid. These scenes should be fast-paced.

But put that criticism to the back of your mind-just keep updating!

By the way, is there any significance in Caiaph being Nathaniel's father? Besides what just happened? You've mentioned him a few times since the last chapter Nathaniel's been in and it seems pointless. Nathaniel's dead.

Right?

A great, intense chapter. I had been waiting for some combat and here it is, written with excellence. I think there were a few odd typos like "third hundred degree" and such, but I didn't notice anything major. Keep up the good work!

“The Advocation isn’t stupid,” Anton said, snapping out of his reverie. I THINK YOU MEAN THE ADVOCATE, NOT THE ADVOCATION.

Anton realized Kelsey was not rushing into battle with the belief that she was dealing with a brain-damaged Advocate. IT SEEMS THAT YOUR SENTENCES ARE A BIT...WORDY. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO RE-READ TO CATCH YOUR MEANING. PERHAPS TRY SHORTER SENTENCES? OR AT LEAST LESS GERUNDS.

One hundred feet beneath the moist soil of Ecclesia, the world’s captured criminals sleep and eat—for that is all they are allowed to do. The Undercell, comprised of an organized maze of steel, shivers under its glacial hiding place. The Advocate’s secretary, Caiaph, slinks and slides down its narrow corridors.
Whistling with obvious mirth, Caiaph’s eyes seem full of mission and confidence. The jovial sound hovering from his lips send a wave of seething frost all throughout the area. Imprisoned felons close their eyes and block their ears.
Within minutes, the Advocate’s Right Hand stops in front of a deeply shadowed cell; a cell much larger than its neighbors.
Its many, many neighbors.
OK, ALTHOUGH RATHER DRAMATIC, IT IS NOT OKAY TO SUDDENLY USE PRESENT TENSE VERBS WHEN YOU'VE USED ONLY PAST TENSE VERBS FOR THE ENTIRE STORY THUS FAR. SO PLEASE, STAY IN THE SAME VERB TENSE!

“Oh, sweet, broken sheep…” Caiaph said with an air of genuine empathy, WHICH IS IT? AN "AIR" (FAKE) OR 'GENUINE'? CAN'T HAVE BOTH.

CONVERSATION BETWEEN CAIAPH AND RACHEL: A+ :) NICELY DONE. I HADN'T THOUGHT ANYONE WOULD HOLD A SHARPER TONGUE THAN KELSEY, BUT YOU'VE PROVED ME WRONG. IS THIS WHERE KELSEY LEARNED IT ALL?

Matthias’s golden eyes flickered, “Element Growth.” NICE TO KNOW THAT SOME KIND OF PHYSICAL SIGNAL OCCURS WHEN THEY CALL FOR ELEMENT GROWTH. COOL, BASICALLY, THAT THEIR EYES FLICKER.

I LIKE HOW YOU SWTICHED BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN CAIAPH/RACHEL AND THE PROPHESIZED FOUR. IT BUILT UP THE EXCITEMENT ADEQUATELY. HOWEVER, I WISH I COULD HEAR THE SONG KELSEY SANG. IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO BE ABLE TO ADD THAT MUSIC INTO THE MIX.

The sight was clouded suddenly as a lean, but still skinny boy of almost eighteen fell from the ceiling... THANK YOU FOR PUTTING MORE PHYSICAL DESCRIPTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS. IT REALLY IS QUITE HELPFUL. AND ADDS COLOR TO THE SCENE IN MY HEAD, WHICH I LOVE.

He let his golden gaze sway from indifference to Caiaph and fall gently on the scythe. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN BY "SWAY FROM INDIFFERENCE"...THIS IS NO TIME FOR ANTON TO BE INDIFFERENT!?

A vociferation of affliction rang profoundly from Anton’s mouth. AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOUR USE OF VOCABULARY...THERE IS A LIMIT. ESPECIALLY DURING A BATTLE, WHERE EVERYTHING HAPPENS SO FREAKIN FAST! SO, USE MORE CONCISE WORDS. SIMPLE WORDS TEND TO HAVE MORE...IMPACT IN THESE SITUATIONS.

OK, SO THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW GRAMMAR MISTAKES (JUST A FEW) THROUGHOUT THE CHAPTER, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LIST THEM SINCE YOU DO NOT GO BACK AND FIX THEM...OR DO YOU? IF YOU STILL WANT ME TO LIST EACH ONE, TELL ME SO. OTHERWISE, UNLESS I'M REALLY REALLY IRRITATED BY A CERTAIN ERROR, I'LL LET YOU DO THE RECHECK FOR GRAMMAR ERRORS YOURSELF. IT'LL PROBABLY BE GOOD FOR YOUR SENSE OF YOU STORY AS A WHOLE ANYWAY.

Caiaph’s face contorted with wrathful vice... HOW ABOUT JUST 'CONTORTED WITH WRATH'? MUCH EASIER. DON'T MAKE IT HARDER ON YOURSELF. CLEAR THE DEADWOOD.

Here I am, poor and a rebel, yet finally restored by newfound family. Maybe there is hope for me yet… YAY! HE REALIZED HE HAS HOPE! AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH... ... OF COURSE. :) NO OTHER WAY TO DO IT YEA?

Anton shakily stood, his knees buckled at first but then heeded his orders, I REALLY LIKE THESE LITTLE BITS. IT DRAWS OUT THE MOMENT, SHOWS ANTON'S PAIN & FATIGUE, AND CONNECTS THE READER TO WHAT'S GOING ON.

“There is nothing sacred about a king and his lapdog.” HAHAHAHA NICE ONE. I KINDA WANT TO DRAW THAT AND PIN THE SKETCH TO HIS BACK.


ALRIGHT HERE COMES THE END-OF-CHAPTER SUMMARY REVIEW! ARE YOU READY? BAM! HERE IT COMES: From now on, I shall cease with the capital letters, since you've told me i seem to be yelling at you. poor thing.

Overall, very nice. You didn't jump from the overall scene (the battle to free rachel) which kept the energy up. thanx for that. you gave insight to the caiaph's background a bit, and portrayed his character to a tee--terrifyingly blind and violent faith in the Advocate. Anton achieved his Memory Growth; Rachel is free. Double plus. And hey, none of the others are dead--extremely hurt--but not dead. Triple plus.

Now let's see what you do next. However will they get out of there all in one piece and without bleeding out? Hmm. Will they be able to get back to Haven? Should they? Aren't there spies in Ecclesia who can aid them? And when will the Advocate find out that his lapdog died? Find out next time in the thrilling chapter: (insert title here)

So, that goes to tell you: UPDATE SOON! (now that was yelling)