FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| frankasshole 2008-03-20 ch 2,  | abusei am franz j l m this story blows ditch it |
| f jl m 2008-02-29 ch 1, anon. | abuseit was too short did not enjoy sorry |
| something to prove 2008-01-05 ch 3, | abuseWhoa. The narrative tone just totally changed in this chapter. Before he was so confused and contemplative and now he's very in-your-face angry. I mean, I can understand both approaches, but the shift between the previous chapter and this one is so abrupt that it doesn't even really sound like the same guy. I guess I'm saying is that it's making it difficult for me to get a real feel for the character because based on the previous chapter's voice I would have expected him to want to die from a more hopeless stand point than an angry one... But then, it's still really early in the story so it's possible that in a couple more chapters it'll make more sense to me. Also, plot movement wise I think the short chapters are definitely working for you. They're brief but intense and keep up the pacing. Nice! |
| something to prove 2008-01-05 ch 2, | abuseI'm loving this. The way you describe just "being" is excellent; the nothing but still existing. It's like I can actually imagine it from what you describe. I think the short chapter works for this. |
| something to prove 2008-01-04 ch 1, | abuseI didn't find anything confusing about this chapter. The ending felt sudden, but in a way that allowed me to feel how sudden the events were for Jay; it gave me a glimpse into how truamatizing it would have been. A very good introduction in my opinion. |
| MyRocks.MyLovers.MyJake.Emm... 2008-01-02 ch 3, | abuseI absolutly and totally love it! Please keep writng! And fast too! The only thing is it has a lot of bad language but that is me just being my 14 year old self. |
| MacadamiaNut3482 2008-01-02 ch 3, | abusei think i would choose death too... :( this chapter made me cry. except, i'd probably fight like a fish out of water, and then once i was alive to say goodbye i'd say okay, now ** life. you did a really good job of getting into his character again. me: "Oh, ** me. ** me sideways. i'm so incredibly **!" -ShatteredSword |
| MacadamiaNut3482 2008-01-02 ch 2, | abusethis kidn of makes me wonder if he's got amnesia or something. opnce again you did a great job! now i wanna find out what's happening to him! -ShatteredSword |
| Roman Candles 2007-12-30 ch 3, | abuseThis is a very interesting start. I like the characters and I really like your plot line. Please update soon. |
| A.M.Laeffer-7 2007-12-30 ch 1, | abuseWow, I am so impressed with your story! It’s amazing so far and I can’t wait to read more. Keep up the excellent work! I love the idea of our plot - it seems really romantic to me! |
| MacadamiaNut3482 2007-12-30 ch 1, | abusei like this! i'll be watching out for updates. i think you've got the boys personality perfect. keep it up! -ShatteredSword |