mm, i like this one.
amazing.
-anna.

beautiful in its simplicity.
favouriting :)
SLGunn

You've got an interesting structure going here and for the most part it does work. The line break between the fifth and sixth lines is a bit awkward though and then the seventh line is too long and drags off the quirky flow with it. Perhaps something like this might work:

i heard ‘i love you’ fly from our mouths
faster than balls from a tennis machine.
and i guess it was just me who didn’t realize
it was supposed to be more serious than silly.

Just a thought.

Also, kill the italicized parenthesed quote. It's not necessary and it almost kills the quirk in this piece.

It works though, in its simplicity.

Midnight

Hm. This doesn't really flow like a poem. It's got a story-like rhythm and kind of sounds awkward when read aloud. It tells an okay story and flows okay. All in all, it's not something incredible, but it's reasonably well-written and presented nicely.