| Reviews for My Addiction |
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IncurablyKate 12/31/07 . chapter 1This was very good. I loved the way you described addictions. (: If you were to edit anything, though, I'd go for basic grammar. Commas were missing in a few places, and there were some fragments. I don’t just crave it. I need it. - I don't just crave it, I need it. Ridiculous some people told me. Told me I was pathetic. Told me to get a life. My addiction is my life. - Ridiculous, some people told me. They told me I was pathetic. They told me to get a life, but my addiction is my life. My addiction controlled me. Controlled my life. - My addiction controlled me and controlled my life. They all leave until there’s nothing left. Nothing left except for your pathetic addiction.- They all leave until there's nobody left. Nobody and nothing left except for your pathetic addiction. (This could be kept how it is, but I think it flows better like this...just a suggestion). if only for a while. A while is all I need. -if only for awhile. Awhile is all I need. (The rest of the 'a while's in that sentence should be 'awhile's.) Always leaving me satisfied and yet somehow, unsatisfied.- Always left (switch between tenses) me satisfied, and yet somehow unsatisfied. A high that was unbeatable but it'll never last- A high that was unbeatable, but it'll never last. It kills me, my addiction does but I keep coming back. - It kills me, my addiction does, but I keep coming back. Overall, I really liked this. Nice comic relief at the end, but you still got the message of how powerful addictions were across. (: |
BardofArcadia 12/31/07 . chapter 1This was funny. I thought for a moment that you were going to give some addiction like drugs or beer. this wasd pretty good. Its a shame that nobody else has read it. Write on. Also, I've written this story called Chris and Maridia. Could u plz r&r? Thax. Good job again. |