FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| careline 2008-01-07 ch 1,  | abusei LOVE every bit of this. the colloquialism of the parenthesized parts and the word choice... fantastic! |
| spiderfly 2008-01-07 ch 1, | abuseI like the use of brackets in your poem, but the second aside, with the swearing, is suddenly too colloquial and doesn't really fit the mature topic in hand. It's a subject well-worn, but you've added a new dimension to it. The ending is a little weak. Perhaps one more, really punchy line just to give it that edge? |
| Cylon 2008-01-03 ch 1, | abusehahaha, (that fucking dick) nice. i really liked this poem, but i didn't quite know if you were being real about her being a smoker and the guy killing her. did she have caner? well that doesn't matter because it flowed nicely. i liked the ryming too, very funny. this was realistic and easy to read. i hope you have more of this because i think i would like to read it. keep up the good work! |