again its very good. is this frm real life experience?

Very poetic! Its rumbles through my mind.

this is very dark but that is what makes it so amazing!very insipring...for what? i dunno but it still is so cool! keep it up

Great poem. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~

Hm. I'd say that in this poem the use of rhyme seems a bit forced. That is to say, rhyming is a very difficult thing to pull of seamlessly. I know the "forced" criticism is overplayed and I myself HATED hearing it for a long time.

So my advise to you is experiment with different approaches to your work and ideas. Try, like you have been more recently, haikus and other styles or just go freeform. The more comfortable you are expressing yourself, the more natural the devices you use will sound and feel.

I can feel the emotions of this poem and found it very dark and mystifying. I am really enjoying reading your poetry!

The pace of this enhances the tone very well. It ushers in the emotion with the recognizable cadence. Very well written. Very audible.

I like this... the rhyming is subtle and well done... the descriptions are also beautiful

Wow, lots of different emotions here. good job, very well written.

aw... I love it! Your vocabulary is outstanding as always and the rhythm is great. You can make a rhyme appear out of thin air!! Once again- love it =]