I thought you could just go back :P Well, of course, you meant it to not be. I thought it was very nicely written, I enjoyed it very much. I like the contrast between heaven and sin. The choices are both appealing, and the descriptions ("lips something warm to sip, thawing my nose") are very nice additions to the poem. My only suggestion is to maybe make it rhyme better, but I guess you want it to remain unique the way it is. Well done.

really really good imagery (sp?) used in this.
good work.