FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| diffident 2008-01-06 ch 1,  | abuseWell, this was sad. The flow of the poem sort of degraded as the poem progressed, probably due to adherence to the rhyme. I think a departure from rhyming in the third stanza could improve this. I don't really like the line "she bounced around like a ball"; it doesn't really make sense to me. Typo in the sixth line (fell -> felt). Other than that, I liked this poem. The first two stanzas are so soft and taunting with what you could have had. marie |