Great opening. I like the little hints and snippets about Wen's background, the fact that her mother was imprisoned, and what her mother might have been imprisoned for. It tells me just enough to want to read on to know more.

As you said, this draft is quite rough. It had a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, but the story line sounds positively wonderful. I've heard stories with that underlying background but have never gone ahead and read one, it's nice to start with you. So keep it up! :)