I think you did a great job with revision, Kim. I'm still not sure how I feel about the "month later" transition, but I'm also not sure what to suggest in that area. Nice work with your heroine. I like how you've shaped her. It should be interesting to see the rest of your plot come into play in the next few parts.

Sorry it took me so long to get around to reviewing--I'd read this story so many times that I'd forgotten about rereading this revision and reviewing. Anyhow, keep writing.