Reviews for A Fighters Love - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: A Fighters Love

melody-neko 2008-05-09 ch 3,	abusecleo sounds cool, it's not too cliché either, i mean it's an unusual idea but the jelous bit isn't so unusual, it's still good and we still don't know what anyone realy looks like, maybe you could have put something like "The minute this girl was in range, she jumped in to Regan’s arms'-her (whaterever length hair)(whatever colour) hair flying behind her head/back' or for when epilepsy's looking in the mirror you could say about skin tone or hair colour as we then find out her hair length. but it's good you seem to have a talent, i also wanna know where in your mind is it set? 'cos it seems very american-ish but you say 'mum' in the britt way. good luck writing!
melody-neko 2008-05-08 ch 2,	abuseanother god chapter, there were a few mistakes like the end of the last thing raven says has no " at the end of his speech, but hey, we all make mistakes! i've also noticed that both male characters name's begin with 'R', was that intenionally planned or was it just a coincidence? one improvement if you ever re-wrote and when you write another chapter is i would add a bit more details/ descriptions cos we still don't know what Epilepsy looks like or much else about her surroundings but it's good. good luck with this story!
melody-neko 2008-05-08 ch 1,	abusequite a good intro to the story, naming is a bit weird, and some parts could be better with some adjustment but overall i think it's a good opening chapter. you haven't named a town so it leaves you open to create your own town or city. one i wouldn't mind reading more of, good luck in this story !
xbrunnettex0 2008-04-01 ch 13,	abuseheyy its a really good story but sometimes i get confused as whos talking because sometimes u put ur commas in the wrong places? but other then that its good.
S. N. Sedivec 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseI didn't even read the first chapter Honey. I skimmed looking for a reason why in the name of whatever god you choose that the name of your main character is EPILEPSY!! There was no explination. I have always wondered why authors on this site make it a competition as to who can create the strangest name (or riddiculous spelling variation of a name)but I must say, this one might just win. All I can do is shake my head and say "wow."
Sara 2008-04-01 ch 1, anon.	abuseWhy the heck did you name a girl after a brain disorder? Now that's just wierd.
Kid Sampson 2008-03-28 ch 1,	abuseThe name of your main character reminds me of that apocryphal story of the uneducated woman who names her baby chlamydia because she heard it in the hospital and thought it sounded pretty.
... 2008-02-21 ch 1, anon.	abuseHow can you name a character Epilepsy? I'd seriously like to know whether you knew what that was before you started writing this. The Mary Sue trap is hard to avoid and its evident even in your summary but other than that the story is quite imaginative. But seriously, Epilepsy?! It's impossible to ignore just how out of place it sounds.
October and December 2008-02-16 ch 9,	abuseall right! another update! still and awesome story, keep it coming! :]
October and December 2008-02-08 ch 8,	abuseOh, you poor thing! You got flamed. I still like it though. :]
one-girl-and-her-dog 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseok i'm gonna be mean, your grammer is bad but that can be fixed up, it is a bit jumpy and needs more discription, BUT (a big but -get it big but, like big bottom? he he-) that can be sorted, you also tend to repeat some words, but it is the start of a good thing even if its not notmaly my type of thing, anyway i'm going back to bed i'll reviw more later when my head doesn't hurt so much, 'kay? bye 'nee-chan ps onee-chan me want hugs!
... 2008-02-05 ch 1, anon.	abuseYes, your grammar is virtually nonexistent. This has been made worse by the fact that Epilepsy is, to say the least, a Mary Sue (if she isn't, she's dangling dangerously close to it). It's hard to make an OC without falling into the Mary Sue trap, but do try. If you can't do that... at least fix your grammar. Get a beta.
SparkleBear 2008-02-05 ch 2,	abuseI have to agree with Over My Dead Body on this one, but I'm not going to be half as rude. Your grammar is practically nonexistant, which distracts from the plot greatly. In fact, after reading both chapters I'm still not clear on exactly what's going on because grammar errors keep getting in the way. And the name Epilepsy is indeed strange. If you chose it on purpose and you are going to tie it into the plot somehow then it's okay. Otherwise, I'd say you need to change it. Andrea, Deandra,and Andika all mean warrior so they'd be appropriate to use. And you could nickname her Andi. I don't mean to bash your story, I'm only giving constructive criticism. If you want a beta, I'd do it. I'd be more than willing to help with the grammar and such because I think your story does have promise. It just needs some tweaking.
Over My Dead Body 2008-02-04 ch 1,	abuseWho the names their kid Epilepsy? According to my dictionary: medical disorder of the brain: a medical disorder involving episodes of irregular electrical discharge in the brain and characterized by the periodic sudden loss or impairment of consciousness, often accompanied by convulsions Your grammar sucks , your plot blows. Give up writing. Have a nice day! OMDB.
October and December 2008-02-04 ch 6,	abusei can't believe no ones reviewed this! it's really great! you should update real soon so i can read more more more! and if you get a chance any possibility you can read my stuff?

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