Perhaps it's just me, but it all seems rather cliche...

It doesn't have enough of an attraction to me for me to continue reading--but again, that might just be me ^^;; I'm a very picky reader.

You might, however, try experiemnting with word choice and upper level deiction--they make stories more intriguing and entertaining.

And I hope I haven't discouraged you from anything--I'm just picky is all, I do urge you to keep it up ^^

-Fairy