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| Carmel March 2008-02-08 ch 3,  | abuseAh, I'm already in love with this story. You've definitely got a way with words. Can't wait to read more :) ~Carm~ |
| Faith Adeline 2008-02-07 ch 3, | abusedun dun dun! Great chapter, couple things though. Is it Kale or Kane? You switched between those names the whole chapter. also, "You’ve though this through." though should be thought. "I see your still playing with your food." your should be you're, there's somewhere else in here you did that too. That's all that I found, or that struck out to me. Keep it up and update soon! |
| Faith Adeline 2008-01-18 ch 2, | abuseVery good. I like seeing her building herself up. I do have a few little things to point out : "Two ** years old, you two, it’s an almost unheard of low." - this sentence doesn't really make sense. Is he trying to say they've been vampires for two years, or what? I would clear it up a little. ". . . weather she liked it or not." weather should be whether " . . . the so be it." the should be then. " Not only was a mental attack emotionally draining, it really, physically hurt like a **." I would switch a few things around and make the sentence read like this. " Not only was a mental attack emotionally draining, physically it hurt like a **." I'm a beta in my free time, so I tend to notice things that some people would overlook. But, I may have missed some things also. Keep up the great work and update soon! Faith |
| vaudeville summers 2008-01-14 ch 1, | abuseAbsolutely fantastic imagery and...everything else! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful ((author favorited)) ~DeeAnna |
| Faith Adeline 2008-01-12 ch 1, | abuseI liked it. There were a couple mere grammatical errors here and there, but not many. Would be easy to correct with a little proof-reading. I like where this is going. Keep it up, and update soon. Faith |