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| EnigmaEnchantress 2008-04-08 ch 1,  | abusei like the title of this story :> i can't wait to read the next chapter :D lol, you use the same names as the one in Fruits Basket. Do you read that? I write stories for that on FanFiction. There's a character names Hanajima and Kyo in there. I love Kyo :> And then there's this girl names Tohru who doesn't really like storms - or at least in FanFiction that's what people say. Here's some corrections and suggestions: >As I ran my fingers though my short reddy-brown hair, a picture of the field came to my mind -i think it's better if you put 'reddish-brown' or 'auburn' or 'brunette' instead of 'reddy-brown' -though -> though: these are nothing major so don't worry about it That's basiaclly it. I liked how you put a lot of dialog. It adds more 'touch' to the chapter :D I love this story :D please update soon, but i'm not rushing you. good job! |
| Marginal Love 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abuseFirst reviewer? (looks around) Oh, anyway, that was interesting... I'll keep an eye on it... M-Love |