FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Lost in Crimson 2008-01-13 ch 1,  | abuseI'm really loving the beginning and end, but the middle is a little..lacking. It's the part that confused me the most, and seems a little choppy. The line, "his smile of crushed pearls"...I'm unsure about that part. Maybe it's because I have a hard time imagining crushed pearls as a smile... Besides that, obscure and abstract poetry is always fun to read and decipher xD My favorite line is "But imagination has never felt so real." It is something I can really relate to. The "glass window" mentioned throughout the poem was a nice touch :) good job! |
| FellowMan 2008-01-13 ch 1, | abuseI’m really liking the second half of this poem, but the first part reads as a bit bumpy, as though you're still trying to find the right flow of words--perhaps you already know this though :) But I truly loved the last bit of this poem, far better quality stuff, it really “grabs at the neck” in a way that forces the reader’s emotional attachment--and this is coming from a notorious skeptical reader; so bravo on that :). |