Hey, I just finished reading your story and it is absolutely hilarious! A joy to read! The only suggestion I have is that occasionally, after a name you forget to place a -, which can be confusing. But I only saw that once or twice, and there were almost no other grammar mistakes! Great work!

You've got some good one-liners, but I can't tell the charecters apart at this point. In their descriptions, maybe you could include more of their personalities and not just their appearance.