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| la fleur ephemeral 2008-06-19 ch 1, | abuseI'm not quite sure how I stumbled upon this glorious piece of writing, but I do know that I am in love with Napoleonic France (and Europe, for that matter) and that I rather love Austria too. Anyway, I should probably get on track... Let me just say that, while I love writing poetry, I'm not much one for spontaneously reading it (the same goes for the type of verse you have created here--except that, while I don't usually read it, I don't ever write it either). But, mon ami(e?)(I have a very strong inclination that you are female, but one never knows :P), your style of writing--and your work here--has entranced me. Of course, there are a few rhymes that are a bit forced ("you"/"so"; "ribbon"/"unbidden"), but you have definitely done beautifully enough to make those discrepencies minor. Your rhyming, aside from the rare, somewhat-forced pair of lines, is effective--simple, but beautiful. Your imagery is fascinating; you successfully transported me to a wintry city in Napoleonic France. This poem, from my adequate but not exceptional knowledge of this era, seems very hisorically accurate; you have manipulated our modern laguage to give it just a touch of archaic--a touch of what refined language would have sounded like in this time--without making the wording so unfamiliar as to hinder both the flow of the poem and the comprehension of the reader. Your tidbits of battles and events, as well as social tendencies--and plus the occasional word in a foreign language--all mesh perfectly. In short, this poem has a simple imagery (it is not laden with descriptions, metephors, and whatnot) that does its job wonderfuly, as well as a knowledgable approach to the subject matter, all-in-all transporting the reader back in time, allowing him to feel the subtle tension and emotion within the scene. You have made me want to instantly go out and write my own story in verse, though I have, admittedly, never done so. Bravo. Keep up the good work. |
| Prieda Solo 2008-01-24 ch 1, | abuseVery nicly written. There are some beautiful lines and some wonderful moments in this. "As long as the Danube's blue" is amazing, because it's got a wonderful sort of forlorn hope to it and (i may be reading too much into this) sort of hints at love, possibly between them (there's an old saying: usually the Danube is a brown sort of colour, but when you're in love, the danube looks blue). As a small point of crit, the rhythm is occasionally a bit out. I can see that most of it is for effect, but in a couple of places the syllabls seem to jar a bit. the only time I can really think of now is: "Some must fall while others soar. Napoléon's empire Is the splendid Gallic fire" I would be proud to add this to the c2. We don't have many stories from the wartorn side of the channel yet =D |
| Seven-Weasels 2008-01-19 ch 1, | abuseWow, that was an interesting experience. A story in verse, and it rhymes! I really liked it :) |
| hafsol 2008-01-17 ch 1, | abuseBeautiful, all around. |