Reviews for Take My Life - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Take My Life

Shiranui Akatsuki 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseThis is another long-awaited story you haven't updated. I dread to think what would have happened if I read this, like 4 months ago. Great story! I look forward to the action, and hopefully the next chapter sometime soon.
Outlaw02 Extreme 2008-02-25 ch 1,	abuseHeya, Outlaw02 here, It's been a while since I last dropped by to fictionpress itself, thanks to the exams coming mid March. But I did maanged to squeeze in time to do a review of this fantasy based prose of yours. Here goes. For the short prologue at the beginning, no matter how I visualised it, I often see it as a modern day location instead of the usual medieval setup. That itself got me a bit puzzled, considering that the chapter itself had the feel of 14-16th century timeline. Character introduction wise, it is consistent and simple to visualise, but the part about Madeline's behaviour did confuse me for a few seconds, mistaking her for Alycia for some unknown reason. For the part where Andreas was introduced, there were times I had assumed that they know each other, since you had hinted that Roy did tried for the exams several times similar to Andreas, but failed. At least I managed to assume that they might have come from different eras. Other than that, the prose was well done. Description of Stillwind was the most impressive in my opinion. Hope you drop by to my fantasy prose; Bloodfest. Outlaw02
The Master Of Puppets 2008-01-31 ch 1,	abusedamn! great stuff, i love this story/chapter, dude. the fantasy aspect is cool, but i can tell the slight bits that gives this a 'manga' feel... it was great, but the only thing it lacks is... a next chapter! hope you update soon. till next time! mm, if you have time, care to check out my story Saint Anger. hope you give feedback (review) (lol).
truthordeal 2008-01-24 ch 1,	abuseI must say, this is one of the few manga pieces I've actually read and enjoyed reading on FP. There was no reference to vampires or zombies, and it isn't overtly sexual. You don't seem to take yourself as seriously as most of the other manga writers on FP, and I enjoy that. I like the short paragraph structure. It makes the story a lot more laid back feeling, and it doesn't stifle itself with four or five lined paragraphs. Whenever you use description, you don't use it to the point of most authors where everything is overly dramatized and nothing can be taken seriously. The only problems I see are grammatical(just a few commas misplaced) but nothing so bad that it'll distract from the story itself. Awesome job! And if it is your will to make it, I'll be waiting for chapter 2!
Probit Return 2008-01-20 ch 1,	abuseGreat story. I'll be keeping an eye open for more. I really want to see how Nika fits into the rest of the story. Keep it up.
Aleksy Lorraine 2008-01-19 ch 1,	abuseImagine my horror when I realized there is no chapter two! You have a very interesting premise here. I'm not sure how to correlate the prologue and the first chapter, but I'm sure you will explain that in later chapters. The whole things could use a little polishing--nothing major, it's just that you've added too descriptions in inappropriate places. It irks me when writers interupt an action sequence with a block of text that isn't really necessary. For example: “Don’t look so surprised,” Andreas said. “Whether you know it or not, you’re favoring your left side, just below the heart. Not much, but more than enough for me to know that you weren’t skilled enough to defend yourself properly when healthy—and you’re far from healthy now.” Roy didn’t like where this was going. He felt exposed. He wanted to disagree with Andreas, but he couldn’t. Roy knew he was never as talented as most, ever since he failed the Striker Academy’s final exam seven times in a row. He had worked hard over the years, making himself strong. But not strong enough, it seemed. Nothing compared to his father. And most likely, even less compared to Andreas. Andreas said, “Give me the key.” I'm referring to the middle paragraph. I won't rewrite it, as that would be rude, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Over all this is a promising story. I like the name Royal! Roy is one of my favorite name, so kudos. ;D Oh, and I won't forgive you until you dispel this cliffhanger! What happens next!?!
Melissa Norvell 2008-01-18 ch 1,	abuseI never knew you used to be an author here. I had to look a while to find this story and I must say that I highly enjoy it. You have a good sense of plot and characterization and I see many possibilities with this piece. I'd also like to thank you for reviewing Fractured Reflections and giving me the time of day. I'll be updating it sometime tomorrow along with another story of mine (hopefully Oo; I'm almost caught up with updates) adds to faves I think I'll pay special attention to this piece.
CrimsonTear02 2008-01-15 ch 1,	abuseI LOVED IT!! this was an awesome story. i especially loved the detail you put in it. and i cant help but wonder...who did nika become in the end?
Sakura-chan 484 2008-01-15 ch 1,	abuseHi! Since you reviewed my story (Thank You!) I decided to review yours. It's a nice story and I like it so far, I'll keep reading if you read mine. See Ya!
bloody-angel147 2008-01-15 ch 1,	abuse"Who knew that a girl with a bad temper would be so violent?" haha! i loved that! and i LOVE this story! i think you did a fantastic job at the writing! this is just so good! please update!
felicia13 2008-01-15 ch 1,	abuseActually, it's not on. Where have you been, Darwin? Back to stay or are you going to decide you're too good for us again? In any case, you should probably stay in one tense the whole time, regardless of first or third person perspective. You only slipped a few times, but... you wanted advice. You also use too much description in some places and not enough in others. Example: when describing Nika at the beginning, you use a superfluous sentence part. "It grazed Nika’s jaw, slitting the flesh, leaving a thin line of blood on her cheek." You could just get rid of "slitting the flesh" and it'll sound much nicer. And you use too many words when describing hair. It's honestly not as important as you're acting like it is. In the context of any story, focus on general description and the places the characters are, not what they look like in deep specifics. There are a lot of places (almost the whole thing) where you could add detail to make it a little deeper, a little more like an awesome story than just an ok story. And the prologue can be its own chapter. I just want you to know that. I'll be expecting my return review. Well, not really. Don't read if you don't want to. I would have done this anyway. shrugs I like helping people. You really back, Dice? Felicia.

Return to Top