FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Lady Fingers 2008-02-05 ch 1,  | abusethis is wonderful my favorite stanza: i think maybe her mouth won’t derail from that jerk because my teeth crowd my lips from appearing lovely so she’ll just slip right off into his arms because i see it so well and it reminds me of someone |
| half-sketched.staccatos 2008-01-19 ch 1, | abusekonban wa Your imagery is so amazingly brilliant and unique. I love it! :D Zaijen -Shan- |
| simpleplan13 2008-01-18 ch 1, | abuseI love the repetition of the word kissed and in the last line... I really love the idea of kissing with your eyes and glances... and I also like the similie about fireworks because I love fireworks.. awesome piece |
| Oh-hum 2008-01-18 ch 1, | abuseIt completely captured my love. |
| dreamshell 2008-01-18 ch 1, | abuseI suppose I shouldn't review since my opinion of this is mainly negative, but it seems I am doing so nonetheless. Please indulge me (or don't). Mostly, this is unremarkable, at least that's my two cents. I guess I could've said something nice or nothing at all, but after my last review and our little dialogue, I figure you'd want something more honest. It's not simply that some of the stylistic choices have been used before by people (hell, even by myself), but there's something that causes me to cringe at the idea this poem is presenting. I don't feel any kind of sympathy or bond with the narrator because I see them as being wantonly co-dependent and self-pitying and those aren't attractive qualities. Rather than pine away for some girl who seems oblivious to them, the narrator should move on. Suffice it to say, their lingering misery ends up being more like whining. --dreamshell-- |