Beauty and the Beast, Rapunzel, Puss in boots... But I just cant seem to place this Hendrik fellow... Exemplary job by the way, I'm glad I stumbled upon this gem!

Ms.Lenore i just want to tell u that you are the most awesome author i have ever read from on fictionpress! i really hope u write more grusome tales!! ^_^ i could stay up forever reading your stories! i also hope tht one day u could publish at least one of ur stories!
btw this is my first time reading this story cuz i was too busy reading the other ones, but i bet this one will be worth the read too!
^_^

On the material as a whole: it did feel right as a stand-alone, much like the first books of other series. Obviously the plot has been unfullfilled, but the characters are all now together for the story to really begin, with hints already placed at future events. Well-done.

The way you have woven all of the different fairy tales together is perfect. I honestly did not expect it to flow as smoothly as it does, although I still have no idea what fairy tale Hendrick is from, and that is irking me.

The characters are not as strong as those in your previous stories, but as this is to extend much longer, I am sure that such development will come in time. No real worries there. Of the characters, Hendrick is my favorite, although his hatred of Diego is somewhat irritating. If he keeps trying and failing to kill him through all five books, it will get very tiring.

I like the blossoming of a love triangle between Cornelia, Gabriel, and Hendrick, if that's what it is.

Onto book two for me now, though it's definitely more daunting than this. Hopefully I'll get caught up eventually...

You are a fantastic author. I've plowed through all of your stories. Publish, girl!

Well! Another job well done! I will admit that I passed this story over when you first started writing it in favor of another one, but then I found myself backtracking to it, and I am very glad I did. The story fits together well, each character holding on to their...character throughout the story. The conflicts, both internally and externally, keep things interesting and the plot, with all it's intricacies, is interesting in itself and addictive, pulling the reader back for more (at two in the morning).
So. All in all, a well done story and I am on my way to book two!

i read the news on your profile page, and here's my thought: pleasepleaseplease post the book of beauty. i started book of scars and stayed up until four finishing it. it was just so good, i couldn't stop. i also noticed that you put up a picture of diego, and i love how you drew the eyes. do you think that you can put up the picture of gabriel again? i didn't get a chance to look at it before.

Amazing, as usual. As for the material as a whole... I would say it is very well-planned and written. You've answered necessary questions within the story itself. (I have yet to find myself going "WTF is going on?!" or "When did that happen?!") Also, you've left just enough questions to make the readers want more. My biggest questions are definitely "Did Narestra kill Rapunzel or really just send her away?" and "Who are the newest victims?" But, as I've rambled quite enough here, I will say that I am greatly anticipating Book 2 and I'll be reading The Captor's Redemption in the time between!

This is great! I love your incorporation of the different fairy tales into your story: Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast, Puss in Boots. I love the way you put a dark twist on all your stories. This story line is pretty cool. I feel like it's like a video game where the characters have to go on a quest and battle monsters and eventually beat the Boss (the sorceress). I'm looking forward to them beating the sorceress but I am curious about WHY the sorceress is cursing and killing people. There has to be a deeper reason than 'she likes to kill for fun'.

I'm sad you took down "The Art of Silence". I thought it was getting good at the chapter you ended with.

Lani,

Splendid, splendid, absolutely SPLENDID! I very much look forward to the second book, I do hope it will come quick enough for me to indulge over Spring Break. Marvelous job on the Book of Scars. Keep up the great work!

Whoa...that was totally awesome! I say, a great ending to the first book. I can't wait till you post the next one! I assume that is Narestra at the end, right? Is she not as completely evil as I first thought? Instead, she just enacts her own brand of vigilante justice? Hm...will the third Marked be a result of her next attack? Oh, and I always wondered how Cornelia manages to kick bad-guy butt in a corset? Just a thought.

I'm fascinated. The story line, characters, rhythm, everything--I'm just enthralled with 'Book of Scars.' It was such a lovely work, dear.

And great closure! Your extra effort on this chapter really paid off. Far too many writers fall prey to shoddy endings and loose ends. Fortunately, your stylistic precision and wonderful storyteller's instincts prevented this. The biblical quote was also a nice touch.

Truly a fitting close to such an enjoyable piece.

Now, to address the questions you had for me in your last response (since I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to directly reply to your replies). Most of the issues I found were primarily within Hendrik’s and Diego's fight. It seemed that you set the entire situation up very well and we have a good grasp of what's going on, where they are physically... and then the story just becomes muddled and we really doesn't know what's happening or where they are and so forth. That, for me, was the really huge issue, the fact that I hadn't a clue where they were or what they were even doing. I noticed that you tended to do that on varying levels in chapters 23 through 25. Watch out for that when you're rereading your chapters; often when writers write fight scenes, their minds perceive the images faster than the writers can type and you wind up with that foggy, messy narrative.

One other thing that tended to bother me about the cited fight scenes was that your wording felt weak. Your adjective choices aren't what I come to expect from you (unique, colorful, fresh) and your verbs and adverbs lacked the pizzazz that would've made the scenes really pop.

Hope this helps and looking forward to the next book. Take your time posting it though--I haven't had the time to look over 'Captor' at all with all these new chapters for 'Scars'!

-Ink

as a whole, I found the story to be very engaging and interesting, the plot moved at a steady pace, scenes were decribed beautifully, the slow and intricate unravelling of the characters pasts and secrets was very well done, each chapter left me wanting more and i hope book 2 begins soon! this last chapter i feel was an intro into the 3rd marked person? i so wanted to kick that servants ass, being mean to old people is no-no, its like the oldest fairy tale rule ever.what an Idiot...he just screwed over everyone in the area.

=D Dahling Im frankly madly in love with you right now! 6 chapters in barely a week! Oh do keep them coming :)

I was delighted by chapter 27 and 28--they pleasantly contrast the hasty pace of the previous chapters. You’re using a lot of unique phrasing in these two chapters, building emotive tension, and hunkering down for the long haul in this novel (novella?).

Despite my bias for Hendrik, I really do enjoy reading about the relationship that Cornelia (who, I believe, quite possibly might be the beauty from ‘Beauty and the Beast’) and Gabriel have. You’re taking your time with it, letting it develop slowly and naturally, gently. It feels… very beautiful, and I’m keen on seeing you expand its plot.

In contrast (fabulous contrast!), Hendrik and Cornelia are everything that she and Gabriel are not: rushed, hot, violent, and wondrously dark. Quite honestly, they remind me of the true Grimm’s fairy tales before they were unfortunately censored. However, I digress. My point was that you’re using the technique parallelism exquisitely!

A few much loved lines were:

"'Two guns,' the demi-human confirmed finally, looking back to his toys. 'They are a fine pair. Truly, just as fine as the pair Cornelia has.'" (28)

"'I liked the other way better,' he said." (28)

"...he was not a lapdog." (28)



Now, in a completely unrelated thread, I've been working a manuscript about a writer, a Fablist, who writes modern-day fairy tales. The chapters alternate from focusing on him in the present tense, to his writings. I've recently been writing a fairy tale for this project involving the 12 months as characters, six men, six women. With you being a solid writer with a good mind for characterization and stylistics, I feel compelled to as your personal opinion: Would February be a man or a woman?

Affectionately,

-Ink

Ahh, lovely!! I'm pleased with the changes in chapter 15--it really does make the world of difference, just a few tweaks here and there.

My complaints with the most recent chapters, unfortunately, aren’t quite as specific as I'd like to give you. The issue that I had with a few sections, usually the fight sections, were that they moved too fast--and not in a good way. Usually high-tension fights scenes do move quickly, but there were times that it felt like you were rushing, that you should've lingered a little more here and there. These sections didn’t have the meticulous, precise air that your work normally has and, to be frank, I merely skimmed them for information instead of lingering to enjoy your use of language as I normally do.

Also, while I adored your descriptions of Hendrik and Cornelia within the last three chapters, the paragraphs concerning Diego left me a little wanting... It seemed forced, somehow. I understand that our beloved cat is a comical creature and while I appreciated a few of the humorous jabs, it felt overdone as a whole. (In your more recently posted chapters--which I have yet to review--you remedied the situation by allowing Diego to be charming, catty, humorous, ect., just through dialogue and character interaction. That seems to work better for you than using tiny bits of information that are out of context with the surrounding paragraphs.)

On a brighter note, I was rather fond of the end fight scene and the way chapter 25 closed.

Hope this helps and, as always, I apologize for any offense in this critique.