I really liked this story and i wish you the best of luck with your missionary life :)

Beautiful, creative, thoughtful characterization! The whole idea of the seasons was wonderful! One critique though, but I'm not sure if this is later explained by the rest of the story--is that the introductions seem a bit unnatural as Ash takes Cherry on a tour. For Ash to actually take her around and introduce each god/goddess and speak to them for a certain amount of time seems somewhat scripted and awkward. (For example, Rex--he proclaimed that he found Cherry charming, talked a little, but then dismissed them a couple lines later. Then, even though Ash took Cherry to Rex's room, she wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. Why would she take Cherry to that room if she didn't want to be there?) Perhaps Cherry could get lost throughout the building and meet these people on her own? Or at least, Ash could be leading Cherry toward one set destination in the house--perhaps Jonah had already arrived--but Cherry could meet these people along the way.

Anyway, minor detail. It really is fine as it is, but for some reason, the whole introduction process gets me. I hope my review made sense, and that I wasn't rambling. But the whole plot line is very interesting! I have not read anything like it--and when I read the extended summary in your profile, I knew I would be hooked!

yay! i was dead on!

so right now i think jonah likes cherry, and the wave tht crashed when cherry and harper were kissing was when jonah went on land. he 'hates' cherry because in reality he likes herr, and didn't want to put a mortal in danger. and when he finds out tht she's now an immortal as well, he's mad at her because he's going to the trial because of her.
or something like tht.

-daydee

this story is awesome .

Wow this has been one of the most original stories ive read on fictionpress. I'm impressed!
I loved the descriptions of the elements and more importantly the personifications of them. I especially loved the conflicting manner of being a sun god/goddess. It really reminded me of Dr. Manhattan in Watchmen.
I however found lots of typos and missing words in your sentences. Things that may take time to search out but are extremely easy to fix. Also, i find that you don't have smooth transition points. I feel that sometimes the narrator (cherry) is thinking one way and it changes completely. For example, when she realizes her fire goddess powers, it was so abrupt it made me feel your were just trying to get to that point without the effort of carrying your readers there with you.

All in all, i found it a wonderful story, though i liked imagining my own characters because i thought yours were completely different from what i imagined, but its probably because we're dealing with gods and goddesses and we dont have pictures of those handy right? haha

anyway, keep writing and improving !

joey

awesome

Hey,
Recently started your story and am enjoying it so far.
just wondered what you meant by 'His teeth were British too' in the chapter titled 'Jonah'
It confused me a little... amused me too. = ]

that was epic =) it was really good. no wonder there's so many reviews and this has only been up for a little over a year. Great job. reading the sequel now =)

AMAZING!! I am really sad about Jonah and Cherry.
Thank you. So Much!
And God's will to you on your mission. n...n good luck!

i loved this story

I would love to read the teaser to the sequel. I'm so excited. I hope you have fun on your mission, I'm not sure where you're going but everyone I know has come back with I really positive experience. I love how Jack is still Jack no matter what happens, and how much Cherry has changed throughout the story. I loved it. Good luck on your mission!

Good last music choice. I should probably go back and pay more attention to the others.

Bit of business:
If you post one chapter, I probably won't read it because stopping in the middle of things kills me. lol. But I'm fine with that. Maybe I will read it after all given a whole year and a half.
Maybe it's because I just read all of the Twilight series in a row last week, but Jonah is acting decidedly Edwardian in his Greatest Mistake. Doom, doom, doom. Seriously, though, walking away like that is immature. Someone else will have to make her feel better. There's just no way around it. gyah. So someone else will have to be the dependable one for her. Jackshade or Izy? It's a shame really. I had thought about not mentioning this, but then the Stephanie Meyer reference about the site made me decide to say it anyway. So frustrating.

The "real" comments at last:
I think this story has grown a lot. Cherry has grown a lot in many ways. She is accepting a lot of responsibility and seems to understand what it means. At the beginning of the story she never would have done that, even if she wasn't preoccupied with somewhat trivial matters.
On the other hand, I still don't find the Cherry-Jonah relationship to be a very good one. The one good bonding time they had many chapters back was almost totally physical. Supposedly Jonah came to the dance out of his own need -- but then he insists that going away is for her own good and he knows best and promptly leaves again. What a tease. Despite his closedness and unreliability, Cherry still insists that she loves him. What a way to start up an abusive relationship! We all hope it won't happen, and I'm not saying I haven't fallen for it, but it's not a good thing. And my brother hated that guy too, actually. I know Cherry is trying to find peace, but using it as an ending makes me anxious. heh. As much as I like happy endings.
I wonder if you have gotten tired of Izy. He hardly made another appearance. Maybe it is meant to be Cherry, and me too sure, but it seems strange for him not to be guarding her for boys who don't meet his approval. ha, ha. Then again, it is mostly Cherry's point of view. Still, leaving it out, even because of her distraction seems out of balance. What is going to happen to her for the next few years? Who knows!? Who is she going to be forced to talk to? The only one I can think of who might come and she'd be able to mention anything to is Jackshade. And he's already trying to seduce the both of them.
Actually, I find myself drawn the most to Jackshade. Despite his knack for tricking people, he is one of the most honest-with-himself characters. He seems appropriately mature, once again even with his given antics. I hope I don't hate him too before the next book is over. He might still jump for the opportunity to win Cherry over. Hope that doesn't come up somehow...

What a gloomy direction I'm going. Honestly, these are just the puzzles in my head. If, on a later draft, they can be resolved so that Cherry can wait for Jonah as easily as she says at the end of this book, I'd be ecstatic. As is, I'm ansy for the next one. Going to be a while, of course. So I just better wait until it's finished. ^^

hmm. Interesting. I wonder what it will do to Jonah, having to see the sun in Cherry now. Not to mention of course what it will do to Cherry herself... hmm.

I can't help but laugh at the word "zen." Either it's Japanese "zen-zen" (totally), or it's the character who can tell a joke with a poker face so believable that no one realizes it's a joke. Until it's hilarious. The sun? Not exactly, but Jonah needs one.

And I thought I'd be more serious. One more to go.

Erlking. Now there's a song for you. Yet another German one. (Schubert's "Erlkönig," if you haven't heard it. It's my favorite of the lieder.) German music is nice because it's easier to understand the words in songs even if you don't honestly speak it like I don't. Actually the lyrics to the Rammstein songs are a bit too unfriendly for me. lol. But the songs still sound cool. When I want to listen to them I try to remember that I don't know German and pretend I don't know they're about something miserable.

This is totally off topic. Real comments, next chapter. ^^