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| Spotluver26 2008-05-10 ch 8,  | abuseHEY, amazing story, as always. Write mroe soon thanks spirit LOve LUKE!! |
| CatDog-runs-fast 2008-05-01 ch 1, | abuseHello, Good description and i saw some metaphors in there too which is good cause i suck at those (ask anyone). I noticed a few speaking marks (is that what they are called) being where they arent meant to be. but that doesnt overly screw up the flow of teh story. |
| Spotluver26 2008-04-25 ch 7, | abuseHey, great story. I wonder wats gunna happen next. Write more soon. thanks spirit |
| TammyS3 2008-04-12 ch 5, | abuseI like your plot! I'm just wondering how you're gonna put romance in there, if you are planning to that is... I like your characters too! |
| Spotluver26 2008-03-12 ch 5, | abuseHEY, great story although add some romance in soon, PPLEASE!! post soon thanks spirit |
| smallvillechick92 2008-02-28 ch 4, | abuseawsome cant wait 2 read more |
| Miss Toadstool 2008-02-22 ch 3, | abuse"To Lyra, beauty was a red and orange sunset reflecting in the dappled sea and the shiny images midday put into ones mind on the sand, which weren’t even there at all. That was beauty." what a beautiful line! there's definitely a writer in you, that much is for sure. this story shows a lot of promise. I think you would do well to keep working on it. I think you have a few stories going at once. I know that personally, I can only balance one story at a time, because it helps me get into the characters heads, but I admire you for writing more than one at once :) thank you for your review on my little story. it was so nice of you! |
| Miss Toadstool 2008-02-22 ch 2, | abuseIt's nice! I think as long as you keep writing, you'll develop your own style and that sort of thing. just keep practicing. some things to work on would be slowly fleshing out your writing and working on the different character's styles of speaking and so on. not accents, but words they use, the way they structure sentences, etc. these things come naturally after a lot of practice. descriptions don't need to be flowery. it's actually better if you're concise. however, you want to give readers an idea of where the characters are in relation to each other and in the room, and things like that, and you can describe their movements during dialogue, or their facial expressions and so on. there's no need to be OVER descriptive, but remember to properly set the scene for the readers. you're actually fairly strong in this respect, but it's something to keep in mind. you know, one can always improve and all that jazz. |
| Miss Toadstool 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abuseaww. she's very cute! |
| Gibbo 2008-02-01 ch 2, | abuseIt's brilliant! My only suggestion is that some of the more important scenes you describe with a bit more detail but otherwise its great and paints a very realistic picture. |
| The Wind Charmer 2008-01-22 ch 1, | abuseit'a a pretty god beginning. A bit short, but I like it. |