Reviews for Darkest Nights - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Darkest Nights

dragonflydreamer 2008-05-11 ch 4,	abuseHm, I never got an update about you posting this chapter for some reason. Again, "Brook and I" not "me and Brook." Thanks you for making this chapter longer. I liked your dialogue. I sounded very realistic and it was, idk, logical, I guess, like the progression of it. Like I said earlier, try not to completely spell everything out. "Brook's parents died. She was adopted by Jason's family." Try to show it more than tell it. Also, since you're writing from various PoVs, try to think about what you can only get accross with a particular character and write about that. It seemed out of place that Sephora would be explaining this situation. Why not Jason? Also, you told absolutely nothing about Sephora in this. If you're not goin to use each person for a specific purpose, why not just stick with one PoV, or maybe Oliver and one other person, you know? Anyway, I hope you get back to work on this soon and keep some of these things in mind :D
dragonflydreamer 2008-05-11 ch 2,	abusegrammatical error: "Jason, Mark, Sephora, and I." not "me, Jason, etc." Like I said with uh... your greek mythology story (I can't think of a name rihgt now), try not to spell it out for the reader "This is a vampire. Therefore, this and this and this." Tyr to introduce new things as you go along using actions, reactions, and plot. Also, maybe introduce the whole mythological beings in a more interesting way. If say the vampires sometimes have sudden cravings for blood, try having Brook or someone have to restrain one and introduce it from there. In other words, have them act like their creatures. I like brook, though. She sounds like she has a lot of potential as a character.
dragonflydreamer 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseAlright, I'm finally starting. Let the mass reviewing begin. Um, I like the name Oliver (Oliver fall down go BOOM! ^-^), but, honestly, that's about all I can say about this... erm... chapter. You really said absolutely nothing. There's a boy (or possibly a girl, you don't even specify that) who's going to school... and has a mom. This deffinately needs WAY more to it. Why did they move? What's his relationship with his parents like? Does he have any siblings? How did he fit in at his old school? What are his feelings about moving? Think about stuff like that. To be blunt about it: no one will want to read on if this is your porlogue. Sorry if this was harsh.
concerto49 2008-01-23 ch 1,	abuseOkay, even though it is a prologue - it didn't really say anything. It said that the (possibly) main character was going to school. That was that. No hints to what things are going to be about otherwise? A bit blank if you ask me.
dragonflydreamer 2008-01-22 ch 3,	abuseYeah, this review's proably gonna be crappy, but you forced me into it so you deserve it -_- I'm not quite sure where it's heading, but it seems good so far. The chapters are really short, though. It would be nice if you added a little to them. Also, any particular reason they're named after songs? The writing itself is pretty good, no odd quirks and the grammar's satisfactory unlike SOMEONE coughBrittneycough The characters seem diverse enough so far, so try to keep it up. Overall, good start. Hope you get some more done soon!

Return to Top