Poor Jay! Aw I loved the ending. It was so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Just so you know, I voted for you in the Sweet Revolution Awards as best heart-wrenching ending. I loved the last line. It's just so trajic and you feel so awful but this is actually real-life, not a world where everything's perfect. I really loved it :)

wow...I didnt see the ending coming at all. that was a good story. Feel sorry for the wife though.

arghghahahhah. that end was heart twisting. god, that was a completely unexpected dagger, for me.

Hmm, I don't know. The way you wrote it, it feels sad but because it sounds so -detached- it strangely isn't sad. The implication of the last sentence is also dulled because it sound so... matter-of-factly.

I wonder about the kind of relationship that they share. I wonder how you manage to get the details down like this. I'm terribly sorry if this review sounds rubbishy, but I'm just left wondering.

Wow, this was so sad. My heart really breaks for them. Does that mean Nick's married? And I guess it's obviously not to Jay. Sigh. So what happens now? I don't know, but maybe the story's more potent that you've left it to hang there...even so, that won't stop me from looking for a sequel on your profile. I love the little ethnic touches, though, maybe I missed it, but what nationality was Nick? I would assume some kind of Asian from the comment about Koreans near the beginning. What's your ethnicity, you seem to write about a lot of different ones.

If it's any help, and because if you want a little you have to give a little, I'm Eurasian, a Chinese Australian mix...I guess that contributes to how wowed I am by your writing, it's great to find stories based around Asian characters, in English that are written by an obviously highly competent wordsmith. For that I can't thank you enough.

I guess other than that, constructive criticism wise, I was a little thrown off by the strange confrontation at the basketball where Nick gets pushed over. It just seemed a little out if place. The only other thing was where you time jumped to ten years in the future and then, almost less than one hundred words later, you go back into flashback mode. It just seemed a little fractured or something. Perhaps it would have been more effective to keep the parts discussing the past together, and the parts from the future together as well, for the sake of the forward momentum of the narrative.

But seriously, other than that, beautiful. I especially liked the brief phone call from the locker room. While the whole thing felt real, that part was almost tangible. In my head I could hear him breathing, when it gets to that point in description of a scene, I know it's perfect.

Wow, long review, your're wonderful, I hope the real world treats you well.

oh geez, i can't say i expected the ending. wow. aw, is what some of your stories make me say. like the one with danny and van. i feel so bad for van! forgive me for saying this, but danny is a JERK. i probably shouldn't be reviewing for that story on this story though, haha. anyway, i like the way you write. the flow is what i notice most--it's really good.

see ya!

Oh wow, I LOVE this story. When I was reading the 'ten years later' part I was afraid it was going to have some crappy ending but that was so good! So sad! That last line was just really...powerful. You brought me to tears!

i'm assuming teh ring is a wedding ring...wow, i'm suprised, for some reason that one rly hit me hard. your story is good if not sad. keep writing.

ow fuck that is sad-but so...i dunno is beautiful a good way to describe it? but it was wonderful to read.

That was amazing. Best slash ever; great job.

-Irony

Wow.
That was AMAZING.
Somehow, I had a slight feeling that things wouldn't work out, but I didn't think it'd end like that. The last sentence was just..

Well, all I'm saying is that my Kleenex hates you.

Cheers;
W/H

D: You always make me sad... I mean that in agood way :) This one was beautiful, I loved the ending. Keep it up!! :D

Such a sad (yet faintly happy) ending. :[ I want to read more! Oh, and was Jay back in America for good, or was he just visiting? I couldn't work that part out.

that was sweet but so sad. the last line was powerful!
it would be better if it was more developed but it's a great piece!
good job

words are so gorgeous, like quiet eyes shimmering under burning candles. yours flicker and warm. thank you. please keep writiing.