 Tranquil Thorns 2008-03-14 . chapter 1A pretty poem; I liked the last few lines especially.
My only problem lies in the third and fourth. I don't really like the repeated 'then' in the beginning. Maybe you can find another word that would suit this better? I feel that even removing 'then' from 'Then you’ll leave with only a letter' would bring an improvement.
Just my suggestions. =P |