Dude... I HATE cliffhangers... I love writing them but not reading them... Please please please update soon!:)e soon!:)

Ryan sounds really dodgey... Haha, love the chap, I hope the vampire attacks the lake party!XD

Shame! Poor Trigger! Lolm, I love but anyway, I liked the chapter. I just love the whole idea of the story!:)

I really like it!:) A lot actually... I don't know about Ryan though... Lol, he likes em cougars!XD

Wow, this was really spooky.

I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Keep up the great work!

Cool story! Very interesting, I can't wait to see what that thing is!

This leaves me curious as to what happens, but try a few things.

Try spreading your dialogue out a little more. By putting your dialog so close together, you're setting yourself up for an extremely fast-paced progession that leaves a rushed feeling.

Where's your enviroment? Between dialogue, have your character do actions, interact with the enviroment. This will ease the reader into it, and you'll also create a realistic enviroment. Right now, you only have pieces of an enviroment, instead of creating a convincing setting. Talk about the lake, talk about where she's looking in pauses in dialogue. When does she think about what she's saying? Does her mind wander? Does she think about the sun/moon cast upon the still/rapid waters? Create a mood. Is the sky clear with lots of stars? Or does it have a full-moon that covers up most of the stars. Or is it omniously cloudy?

Work more with your enviroment, show what your characters are doing, and you can show a lot of what they're thinking with their actions. Instead of just going dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Show pauses too, and more actions. That'll give the reader a character that they can really see how they are afflicted by what's going on.

Hope this helps,

Laeden