Reviews for The Story of a Writer

Reviews For: The Story of a Writer - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Kenny's Friend 2008-07-13 ch 5,	abuseNo grammatical complaints. However, while I appreciate the clarification of MRI and PET technicalities, they feel like a break in the chapter and are ultimately unnecessary. The same goes for the long explanation of the Dissasociative Fugue: unnecessary and long. Interesting theories, though. I look forward to the next chapter, bro.
Kenny's Friend 2008-06-20 ch 4,	abuse"Despite the lack of obstacles, Alex felt as though he was dragging himself towards the building with great exertion." - awkward wording; "dragging... with exertion"? "...a trim cut, or bulk of muscle..." - the wording strikes me as unintentionally amusing "Jack seemed to charm her even with banal normality" - "banal normality" is redundant, and "banal" feels like a word you pulled out of a Thesaurus "The hot liquid nearly scolded his throat..." - scalded "...as if satiated by the coffee beyond contention." - if you meant "contentment", "contention" is the opposite. Besides, the statement is an unnecessary afterthought "Yet the confusion only settled like dust after a storm—no movement, only accumulation in large sand dunes." - now this is some good wording; nice picture, and good delivery "...the impact was so intense that the dashboard shattered..." - shattered? The windshield could do that. Crumpled or another similar verb would make more sense. "It had become impossible to see how much liquid remained—he couldn’t see beyond the rims—beyond the darkness to see the soothing tea undulating in the cup." - too wordy, and you said the same exact thing twice ... Okay, here's my big complaint. There's too many needless descriptions - I can already imagine the setting on my own without needing to know the layout of the building. As a result, the action suffers from start-and-stop writing. Second, this cop - Jack Kramer - feels like every other cop in every other movie/novel/game. He's jaded and blunt and doesn't give a crap. I mean, fine if you want to use him, but it's a stereotype and not a character. Finally, I like the suspenseful air, but the title still makes no sense in context. And why is this a "horror" story? It's more of a thriller, or a mystery if anything. I suppose these things will become apparent later on, but the story doesn't seem to be heading in either direction. Otherwise, I'm enjoying your writing. You have a very different style from the norm, so I hope you keep it up. God bless
Limited Edition 2008-06-17 ch 1,	abuseQuite an interesting story. I'm not too fond of the first line because it doesn't pull me into the story. It's just description. It's a good line for a description, very picturesque, but it doesn't serve well as the first line of a story. The descriptions in general are very vivid and beautiful. I like the picture they paint. It feels real. I like the dialogue, it's genuine. It makes the characters much more realistic. And I can feel the characters' mindset and mood, which is great! They also act realistically. The chapter doesn't clarify the conflict of the story, and that doesn't give the reader a reason to read on. The last line was good, I liked it. But I don't get the conflict at all.
Kenny's Friend 2008-06-09 ch 3,	abuseNot to be critical or anything, but those first four or five sentences are really detrimental to opening the chapter. Besides, you used the word "beer" about twelve times. Okay, the conversation between Scott and Alex is confusing: the back and forth dialogue gets difficult to interpret because it isn't always clear who's speaking. Cleaning that up would really make this an easier read. I like the cliffhanger there, not to mention your prose. Some grammatical errors need to be cleaned up, but your spelling is excellent. I'm hoping that everything will tie in as thes tory progresses.
Willa 2008-06-06 ch 3, anon.	abuseSo far, it's a pretty good start. Character-wise, I was a little confused this chapter when Alex suddenly had a daughter -- you kind of made it sound like she was a bit of an afterthought, so I suggest you go into some background on that and his relationship with the mother. Also, I didn't get why, as Alex's best friend, Scott wouldn't know that Charlotte wasn't Emily's mother. That just seems kind of unbelievable to me. Second of all, you say something about Scott being in the military (before, you said he was a teacher, I think), but you don't really elaborate on that. It's almost as if you're pulling details out of your head to fit what you think the story should sound like, but you're not adding detail to that. On the flip side, you're adding a little too much detail elsewhere (especially in chapter two). There are a few grammar errors worth correcting, the most prominent (to me) being, "You could have wakened me up." I'm pretty sure it should be, "You could have woken me up." Whenever I read that line, I have the urge to run my fingers down a chalkboard. However, despite the aforementioned, it certainly has seemed to adopt a suspensful tone. There is no doubt in my mind that this will turn out to be a decent story. Just remember to add detail where it's needed, and skim over it where it's not. Good luck!
Kenny's Friend 2008-06-06 ch 2,	abuse"The sun had already arisen..." - risen would suffice, and with the rest of the sentence to follow, would fit better "In high school romances were short" - comma after school "Now an empty bed felt as foreign as rejection." - comma after now; I like that statement - blunt and vivid "Before Alex could respond to her rhetoric, she hugged him, and with a goodbye kiss she clutched the suitcase rolled it out to the porch." - two things; the action is choppy and follows no real pattern; also, "rhetoric" feels like a random word pulled out of the Thesaurus in this context I like the direction this is going, although it seems to be deviating from the central issue of the first chapter - which was his writer's block. I'm assuming that will clear up later on in the story.
Distilledfx 2008-06-03 ch 1,	abuseNice story, though I don't think I've ever had writers block that bad. Your writing in this is amazing, all the words are great and your pacing is just right. Not only that but your descriptions are realistic and give Alex human traits, like how he loved the smell of rain or his reaction to Charlotte's news on driving to Nashville. While this is good and you set the scene well, you didn't really go much into back story of the characters or hint at what is to come in later chapters. Also the dialog seemed the tiniest bit unnatural, but this could have just been becuase he was distracted. A couple of typos I noticed while reading. "The fresh [sent] of fallen" should be "scent" "A couple [] yards to his right," Should be "of" Nice work and keep writing. If the rest is as well written as this it should be a very good read.
Mercyette 2008-06-03 ch 1,	abuseWhat I found most realistic in the chapter was how you described the inner turmoil of a writer experiencing writer's block. I had to smile at it because it sounded just like me at times...like now, for instance. XD Your fluent vocabulary was also a nice addition to the story. I would have liked to see a little more in the chapter considering you're just introducing your characters, but that's just a personaly preference of mine. I know it's hard to post on here because some people complain of having too short a chapter, while others gripe about it being too long. Just thought I'd let you know that a little more character developement would have been nice. Overall, great work. I'll have to read on.
Kenny's Friend 2008-06-03 ch 1,	abuse"The red leaves would lose their resilience and drift to the earth, revealing the wooden skeleton that once housed them." - housed? "Supported" makes more sense. "The cursor blinked in mockery, for the text preceding it was filled with the perspiration it required to write and edit every word to create the melody of his best prose, but derailed in the middle of a sentence on its way to an unknown destination." - I like the thought, but not the delivery; this sentence is way too wordy "Charlotte might have chuckled or shook her head, but the shadows concealed her fastidious features. Alex just observed as she brought the wine glass to her lips. Her hair danced in the wind." - really nice wording; I like the imagery "Outside of him and Alex’s agent, he had an aversion to letting anyone else reading his work, fearing they’d try and find parallels between the stories he wrote and the story he lived." - "outside of Alex and his agent, Alex had..."; otherwise, nice wording again Nice beginning, bro. Great wordplay.
Laeden 2008-06-02 ch 1,	abuseResponse to earlier review: The first chapter is only two pages into the story, adding a suspenseful ending two pages in is somewhat jumping the gun unless it's kind of a flash-forward device. I write in a somewhat classic style, defining and painting realistic pictures of characters then putting them into situations and letting them react on their own. So if I do add a prologue, or a flash-forward, then it'll obviously have to come after the characters respond to the given situation, and I'm not that far in the story yet. However, I do appreciate your review and pointing out the errors.
Teffie 2008-05-31 ch 1,	abuseThis is a good start. It's not very action-packed, though. I would suggest adding more of a suspenseful ending, to keep your audience's attention. A few comments: "A light autumn breeze gusted and ruffled Alex Morrow’s shaggy hair" That sounds awkward. The breeze "gusted"? I don't know. That sounds off to me. "The fresh sent of fallen rain" Should be "scent." “It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” (a) soft voice called in the darkness. "rich lavender liquid inside her wine glass." Lavender wine? That sounds kind of weird. Maybe "maroon" liquid? I like your characters, and I like your descriptions. Good work.
SnuffSnuff 2008-05-29 ch 1,	abuseAh, a tale discussing the ways of a writer... Sometimes these things are hard to write if you're not a writer yourself. I'm not talking about writing in your spare time, hobby writer, but an actual writer. You capture that hardcore writer aspect in Alex, who resembles roughly all writers in their messy, I-don't-give-a-** appearance. My favorite part was where Alex tried to focus on his wife while trying to figure out an inspiration to get him to the next step. It's so...writerlike, that I am starting to fall in love with this story. Till the next time! ~Snuffie
Stewart MacDonald 2008-05-28 ch 2,	abuseHey! Sorry it took so long to get back to you on this. I just did a huge inter-province move that kinda put things off for me internet-wise. Anyways, this story is pretty intriguing so far. I really like Alex's character, as I said before. The blatant oddness of what happened in this chapter was a great moment, I think. Especially how you emphasized how brief and subtle the whole things was. His feelings about the whole thing were very realisitc. First fear, then kind of a rationalization. The whole things just sets up to be even better. The only problem I saw was near the beginning when Alex says, "You coulod have wakened me up." I'm pretty sure it should be 'woken" But thats all I saw. Good job, and I'll read on. -Stewart
B. J. Winters 2008-03-30 ch 2,	abuseI read both chapters - I like the first better than the second, mostly because I wasn't clear how they flowed together. I was about half way through Chapt 2 before I was able to make the leap in context. Chapter 1 - its a simple opening, and I think engaging for the reader. You keep it clean with only a few characters and you provide insight into Alex that works well. I like how you casually introduce Scott without him being there so that he can be used later. I'm not sure though there was enough meat to get me to "read on", it feels light like a prolougue. Foreshadowing, yes, but I would suggest that you make it a little longer with more background on both of the primary characters so that in Chapter 2 I "care" about what happened to the wife. Right now, I didn't feel Alex's connection to her. She nags, he forgets...hum... Chapter 2 - the daughter threw me. If I missed a reference to her in chapter 1, that's my fault, but she was a surprise I wasn't expecting. And the time of day seems inconsistent - plane with lights blinking, and breakfast - again, its more continuity that what you wrote. Overall I thought what you wrote was effective, it just didn't flow as smoothly as I would have liked. Interested to see what happens and who the witness is. Keep working.
WanderingLeprechaun 2008-03-27 ch 2,	abuseokay, I'm gonna get a little nitty-gritty right here, so don't expect me to be nice or anything. It's too much to ask for. Now, " the spherical atmosphere." What were you thinking? It rhymes, in PROSE no less, and it makes the entire sentence sound redundant. Delete "spherical". And then there's "You could have wakened me up". I think that's going on my list of dumbest quotes ever. Because not only does it sound incorrect, it IS incorrect, and needs to be changed immediately. "You should have wakened me" is a more acceptable sentence. "[T]he ground shook beneath Alex as if he stood on shifting tectonic plates. When the whiteness faded once again to darkness..." This I find especially hilarious. Where you start out, it looks as if you're trying to come off as an intelligent person, in fact, the entire piece makes you look pretty smart, if not maybe just a tiny bit arrogant, and then you (again) have this rhyming little ditty. If you want to sound smart, why're you stupid enough to overlook so much? And then we get to the part down at the end of the chapter where Alex is freaking out about Charlotte leaving the cell phone, etc. If he's such an alarmist, why didn't he get suspicious that not only didn't she eat breakfast, but she didn't wake him up to spend time with her and the DEAD GIVEAWAY... the neglected cell phone. He should have had his mind racing after that one, not just thinking it was a fluke thing, cause with the way that he describes Charlotte, she doesn't seem one to forget anything. And again, if he was such an alarmist, he'd have been going over and over and rethinking over and over about why she left the cell phone, and why she didn't eat breakfast and everything else. You didn't add any of his thoughts in there, although you do for just about everything else, and it seems as if you didn't want to write it, not that you can't. I think that there are serious ways to improve this chapter, and I hope that you will at least consider my suggestions. MR

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