FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| shufen2 2008-09-14 ch 1,  | abuseWow, very good. A description that makes me think :) |
| Liebe Dance 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abuseI like this. You did a very good job personifying gossip. The style is really cool. I think that sentence "Her toungue is loose and is not checked" could flow better if it was "Her tongue was loose, not checked." The compound sentence makes it more choppy and, since the rest of this work isn't either, it seems a bit out of place. Also, I don't know if you were supposed to have the last sentence it this, since it was something for school, but it doesn't seem to fit. The rest of it is talking about gossip, so the change to 2nd person is a little weird/awkward. Overall this is really well done. :) |
| Dandelion Cupcakes 2008-01-23 ch 1, | abusewonderful, descriptive personification... i love it very much... keep writing! :] |